Those who know me well know that I DO NOT (with major emphasis on how I don't ) Christmas shopping. I don't like the crowds, I don't like the idea of trying to figure out an idea of what to get people. I start stressing about it as soon as I think about it (yes it's that bad). However, every year I manage to get something together. This year was no different. I started brain storming in November,and my head started hurting as soon as I did, but I managed to get some things without completely ripping out my hair thanks to online services. But as off yesterday morning I still had some more to go, and with Christmas day with mere days away my level of craziness was at an all time high. Onto add the fact that I was so ANNOYED beyond words. As in if you text me I was annoyed that you texted me kind of annoyed. I of course blame this on my hormones (when things go wrong blame it on the hormones). But I was determined to get it done before I go home this weekend. So after work I managed to make my way to the mall (cringe). I walked out an hour later (after kinda getting lost) got in my car, and did my happy dance. I got everyone what I needed to get them AANNNDDDD to top it off I stayed within budget (okay I went off by like less than $10)

I'm so glad we only do the traditions of Christmas once a year, because otherwise you would find me in a hospital bed with  traumatic stress, hugging myself saying "Peace and Joy....Peeeaacceee and Joy"

Do you have a favorite Christmas tradition? or shopping story

It's True

Well it's been a long time coming, and it's confirmed I have been diagnosed with something most children have, but it never left me.....I am a recipient of an over active imagination. You know that moment in your life you are borderline about to fall into that place of self pity, and oh woe is me, and all of the sudden like a flash of lighting you remember GOD's promises, and then you start speaking over your situation, and you start to feel a little better. Sometimes it's hard to get there, and someone has to help you speak that thing over and over again. So right now as I was texting my friend I told her to say it loud and proud "Greater is he who is within me that he is out in the world". I told her to kick the enemy to the curb, because she honestly is much stronger than that. At that very moment I had a mental imagine of the enemy. I saw him get angry and scream, and slightly pulling out his hair, because he was on his way to persuading someone they are less than they are, and here comes some girl reminding her of who her GOD is "Stupid girl" he said "I was going my thing".....bahaha don't you feel stupid Mr. Satan. He almost had it, but GOD's people are much stronger. After having that mental image I was confirmed with an over active imagination....even though it's true Jesus Rules and Satan Drools....

#randomestpostEVER....yes even more random than my dislike towards using flash when you  have good lighting.

It is the month of December and I have yet to blog!!! SAY WHAT!!! Ok so you know my little head has been full of ideas!! Just got to sit down and implement!!! HOOAH!

Giving up their right so I can have mine.

I've always said that I can be a soldier. I've said I'm willing to leave behind all things familiar to fight for a cause. I've even said being away from the ones that love me the most wouldn't be so hard. I've said it, but I have yet to do it. In fact, I have stayed in my warm bed, working Monday through Friday and getting adequate sleep. I am able to wake up Sunday mornings and go to church (GOD forbid I should miss a service). Even though I haven't done it I know plenty of people who have. In fact some one very close to me is currently enduring a deployment. He's not only enduring a deployment he is some days working 24 hours straight, being chewed up by his bosses for no apparent reason, missing holidays with his loving family, and even something as simple as getting in his car and driving to church to hear the word of GOD. Him and his team (though they are a medical unit) are doing this so I CAN sleep in my warm bed, go to church on Sundays, and not loose any sleep over who's going to bomb my neighborhood.

Today I read a story about a 20 year old soldier who enlisted last year. He lost his life within the small time frame he was in the military fighting for what he thought we needed. His was stationed in Afghanistan in one of the Kandahar divisions. My throat got a little tight when I read that part. My significant other is near KAF, and I hear the thuds & the bumps when I talk to him. We both realize that if it's our time to go it's our time to do. However, I can never imagine the next time I see him it would be in a casket.

There is a lot of people who do not support this war. They think it's senseless, and I agree with them. I don't see the point of this war, but the truth is it's already started. If not this one it would have been another one. Though it may never make sense to us why so many young people are dying, or for that matter why we are fighting this war it's important that we support the people who are involved. They didn't start this war, they are just doing their job. Just like I wake up every morning and sit in traffic so I can spent 8 glorious hours in an office so I can pay my student loans,and my other bills. They too are just doing is what is asked off them. Not only are they providing for their family and loved ones they're providing us with a service. So the next time you see a soldier smile (believe me they need it), shake their hand and thank them for their service regardless of if they are a cook or someone who is front & center (don't tell them how much you hate the war chances are they do too)

To my soldier, and the men and women he works with I know I NEVER say this enough, but THANK YOU for what you do. Each day you are out there not only are you growing as a soldier of the U.S military you are growing as a soldier for the KINGDOM, and despite what the enemy (cough*higherups*cough) is telling you YOU ARE DOING GREAT!!!! I am very proud of you and what you do is a very unselfish deed for people who you have never met, and probably never going to meet.

Today was a typical Saturday morning. I woke up late, laid in my bed, and thought about what it is that I will do to occupy my time, casually browsed facebook to see what news if any was there. I then saw a link to a wedding that was taking place today, and the couple was streaming it live (OMG they took my IDEA!!!!). So I did what any sane, bored person without a plan on  Saturday morning would do. I decided to join in on the matrimonial bliss. Kinda stalkerish I know, but I asked my best friend to watch it with me to take away the stalkish vibe I was getting from myself. So we sat on the phone together and watched the wedding. I thought wow how exciting it must be for her then of course the live stream froze. So I decided to go get myself some food, and while warming up my food I thought "I'm ready for the next chapter of my life" WHOA WHOA WHOA!!! Before you jump the gun and think you will be hearing wedding bells from my end read the rest.

For the past five years my life has pretty much been the same routine. Wake up, classes, homework, WORK, and spending time in my room. You've heard me mention in previous blogs about how much I wanted to get some friends (or maybe not because I may not have published that) BUT it's always been hard for me to get friends for one of many reasons:

1) I'm picky about who I let into my life (Like T.D Jakes said once...when you get to a certain age you are picky about who you let into you life cause you don't have time to waste)
2) Usually people who are excited to meet me when they meet me never really follow up with me afterwards even if I try

Ok those really are my two main reasons, and the rest well....

Any who after seeing that everyone I knew as a teen ager has moved on with their life. Started new families etc I'm really ready for a new leaf. May it be a new career, grad school, new hobby just SOMETHING!!!....ANYTHING.....I'm really tired of the old.....I want some new adventures...new stories....

God can you help me out?

K.P Yohannan said it best when he said ‎"A tiny group of believers who have the gospel keep 
mumbling it over and over to themselves. Meanwhile, millions who have never heard it once fall into the flames of eternal hell without ever hearing the salvation story." 


As I laid in bed last night I thought about all the people I talk "GOD" too, and came to the realization that everyone I share my love for Christ with already knows Christ. Oh how easy it is to marvel about his goodness to people who read the word, and agree with you....BUT....what about the rest? What about my native country where paganism and idol worship takes more than 95% of the population? When will they get to hear me marvel about the goodness of the one true living GOD?


Lately I've been realizing more and more how much I  don't want to stay in my bubble when it comes to talking about Christ. Though it is much easier to do that...what's the fun in it? I must admit I don't think I am (as off right now) strong enough to talk to a Hindu or Muslim. I don't think I have the words, but I hope that one day GOD blesses me with that gift of being able to minister to people outside of my comfort zone. Because when it is all said and done I'm trying to see as many people walk into the kingdom as possible, not just my select circle. 


P.S- I know I haven't delivered my vlog yet.... YIKES! 

Good Monday morning to my all my faithful and humble readers.....okay so that would be no one right now....thank GOD I don't write for others LOL. As I look at the amount of blogs I wrote in 2011 I have to say I expected to write a whole lot more.

So I was laying in my bed last night and I had a brilliant idea!!! which leads to my big announcement today....

*drum rolls*

I see a VLOG coming your way!!!!
YYYYAAAYYYY!!!!!!!!













The reason I am too lazy to type right now has very little to do my decision to VLOG *cough*. I think what I have to say is VLOG worthy,and facial expressions are much needed. So stay tuned my fellow bloggers and or random strangers who has accidentally stumbled upon my rants and writing.

These past couple of days I have been going back to my old entries from my teen age years, and laughing at myself. Why does it seem like I was more a witty writer back then? I  mean I used words I forgot were in my dictionary (HAHAH).

Don't have anything particular to blog about just wanted to get on here and rave about how great a GOD I serve. He is just awesome and I am so thankful for his promises, and reassurance.

Never give up at the first sign of adversity

Wrote this back in 2007 when I was getting to  know who GOD is. I needed the reminder :-)

Have you ever been in a point of your life where everything was calculated and worked out, but out of now where something happens and messes up the whole plan. Life can play some cruel jokes on you, but I'm just here to say dont give up dont give in. Ever heard of the saying God can make a way out of no way? Well the next time you find yourself in a predicament just believe that, because what we as individuals have to understand is that it's just a test. Like any other test we would take while we are in school, except it may be easier to pass this one. Why am I writing this? Well I am at work right now and something tells me some one else needs to hear this just as much as I do. You may feel like you have reached a dead end and you are backed up against a wall with no where to go, but that's far from the truth. You got so much options and blessings you dont even know what to do with it.

When I first moved down to H-Town I had so much issues it wasn't even funny, but I didnt even suspect that moving down here was just the beginning of reforming who I am to who I can be. My first step towards that was couple of months ago when I had reached the end of my ropes I was laying in my bed and said out loud to my ceiling you know what God Imma let you handle this one. I know you'll do the right thing, and for me that was the hard part because I am one of those people who likes to have control over her life, and even though there are times I  have looked back and said "Ummm God are you sure you're doing what you are suppose too"? I know now I no longer need too and guess what it feels great. Knowing that when I wake up early in the morning half of my battles are already fought for I mean I dont know about ya'll but for me thats a huge load off my shoulders.

So here are some key points I want you to leave ya'll with

• 1) The only thing the devil has on you is your PAST..that's it that's alllll he got so STOP LIVING IN IT!!!!
• 2) Don't miss out on your blessings just because its not wrapped up the way you would like for it to be!!!
• 3) IT'S JUST A TEST!!!!! ( he wants to know if you are able to give him what he deserves regardless of what your bank account looks like or your family situation looks like)

Ok guys I gotta get back to work I'll write more later. Have a spectacular rest of the day and Turn that frown upside down!!! afterall you are soooo close to Friday. Umaahhzz if I could I would personally give every person reading this a hug since thats impossible I'll give ya'll a virtual hug so *HUUGGGGGZZZ*

Finding Hope for My Future Despite the Pain of My Past

Author-Renee Swope
Proverbs 31 Ministries

"’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’" Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

"God works all things together for good."

"You were created for a purpose"

"God has a plan for your life."

What do you feel when you read these promises? Do you believe them, or do you sometimes question if they’re true for you?

I’ve doubted, and I’ve believed.

Soon after I surrendered my life to Christ, I started struggling with painful things from my past that made me doubt God’s promises. I wondered: If God loves me, why has He allowed so much pain in my life?

If He loved me, why did God allow my family to be broken by adultery and divorce, shattered by confusion and chaos, shaken by alcohol and drug addictions and so much more? And why didn’t He stop me from the pain I brought on myself, or keep me from the darkness of depression?

One afternoon I got the courage to tell my friend Wanda about my doubts and questions. I remember how she didn’t give me a pat answer, but looked at me with understanding in her eyes and told me she was sorry. Then she told me her story, which included many disappointments and heartbreaks. Yet, I didn’t sense doubt or pain in her words. Instead, I sensed confidence and hope.

Turning the pages of her Bible to Jeremiah 29, Wanda read today’s key verse as a promise to me: "’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’" (v. 11)

She then told me God wanted to heal the pain of my past and use what I’d experienced to pave the way to His plans for my future. But I didn’t want God to use my pain or my past. How would any of it do anything good for anyone, especially me?

Have you ever felt that way or asked: "If God loves me, then why…?"

These are the kind of questions that can linger in our hearts when we’ve been wounded and disappointed. And hurts that aren’t healed can lead to bitterness and bondage. Yet, in the security of a relationship with Jesus, God invites us to ask hard questions and look for answers that usher us into the depths of His redeeming love and healing power.

Can I whisper some hope into your heart today? If you are living and breathing, your purpose has not yet been fulfilled. No matter what you have done or what has been done to you, God does have a plan for your life.

So, how can you discover those plans? Let’s read the premise that follows the promise in Jeremiah 29. After God declares He knows the plans He has for us, He says, "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (v.12-13)

We find God’s plans when we surrender ours to Him each day. It’s a moment by moment process of coming to Him, talking to Him, believing He listens and letting Him love us into a place of hope and healing.

God’s love is not a quick-fix for our wounds, but it has the power to redeem and restore us into confident hope. When we allow the Holy Spirit poured out like Living water to go deep into our pain, He can heal our hearts from the inside out.

As we process the pain of our yesterdays and live through the disappointments of our todays, doubts may still creep up, threatening to steal our hope. But each time that happens, we can stop and seek God in that place. We can ask Him to show us His purpose by revealing what is true about who we are and what we have been through to make us start doubting.

Then we can ask Him to help us re-define our future, not through the filter of our past and pain, but through the power of His life-giving truth. And do you know what happens when we do that moment by moment, day by day, doubt by doubt? God tells us in Jeremiah 29:14, "I will be found by you…and will bring you back from captivity."

We find Him again and again. We find the One who longs to lead us out of captivity to our doubts into a place of freedom and hope. I know this is true because I have walked it, wrestled with it, resisted it and finally surrendered to it.

God’s love is not only unfailing, it redeems and restores. His Truth cuts to the core of our struggles, bringing purpose to our pain, redemption from our past and hope for our future!

Lord, heal my hurts and give me hope as I learn to trust the plans You have for me. I’m coming to You and seeking You with all my heart today. Please set me free from my doubts and lead me into a place of confident hope. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Social Work for my masters has been brought up again by another individual....I raised my eyebrow and said "Social Work LORD!?" .....What's exciting about that???

To be continued...

Being back on Xanga today helped me realize how much I really liked it for blogging. It's easier to find other bloggers to follow, and you pretty much build a family/community with the people there. Makes me want to go back and take ANY GIVEN SECOND back with me....or start anew....LOL Great !!! Just what I need another blog to keep up with....perhaps I can merge the two.....

Few years back I was visiting my parents church during mothers day weekend, and they did the sermon quite different. A few mothers of the church came up to the pulpit and shared their feelings, and just about being a mother. I sat there bored out of mind, and couldn't believe this is what I drove up for. I don't remember what any of those mothers said except one. She walked up to the pulpit, and started sharing about the younger generations and her concern. She talked about an ad she saw for under garments. The company was advertising bra's that have rhinestones on them, and pretty much gave the message of it's meant to be shown off. She stood there broken, and with tears in her eyes as I sat there arms folded thinking "really?? are you serious? You're talking about bra's? Ok so what if a bra has rhinestones on it or if anyone see's it??" Of course the advertisement was more about showing it off on purpose rather than by accident. I went to lunch with my mother and talked about how boring the whole service was.

But yesterday it hit me....the same sadness she must have felt when she saw where this generation and our young girls were headed too. I looked at a picture of my friend surrounded by two other female friends all with pregnant bellies stared back at me. From what I could tell all of them were single, unwed mothers. I thought "WOW I can't believe it has become so common for so many young ladies to become mothers at such a young age especially out of wed lock". It actually hurt me just a little bit. My mind drifted back to that mother's day weekend when I sat at church bored out of mind, and I thought "wow she must have gotten a glimpse of what that would lead too". It's crazy to think society starts with some thing small like....
"Oh it's ok to do this or wear this" then from that something small and innocent they birth something larger. All of the sudden society says "Oh it's okay to fornicate...I mean who really waits these days?" "Oh it's ok to dress provocative" "It's ok to be a lukewarm Christian...I mean all those so called radicals are so super religious they don't even have a real life". Everyday in society we hear "It's OK...it's ok...IT'S OK"

Well I am here to say "It's NOT ok". Yes God loves us, yes he wants us to have the best, and be our best, but that comes with the big print of "when you obey the commandments of GOD". We especially as Christians, can't keep re-paving the way to the narrow road that leads to Christ. It seems as if every time I turn around some one is trying to modify the route to make it a little bit more easier.

Our little girls should be little girls, not mothers or girls that dress like men. Our boys should be boys playing with toy soldiers and traveling to outter space in their rocket ship....not thugs, gangsta's, teen age fathers, statistic, and definitely NOT boy's who act like they can't hold their palms up straight. Can we go to back to then?

Out of no where this morning I thought about an old blog I wrote years back. I knew it was something meaningful, but I couldn't remember for the life of me what it was about. So I decided to track it down, and went on my blog from 7 years ago. As I read through some of them I couldn't help but shake my head, and laugh at myself. I came across one particular blog where I was talking about an old friend of mine, and our good times together. I'm not going to lie it made me reminisce a bit, and think maybe a legit friendship is still possible between us. I thought we had good times, and we laughed over silly things, maybe we can still have some sort of laughable moments. So I went on facebook, and started typing their name just to say "hey I'm just checking upon you". As soon as I clicked on their name I realized why we never could as tight as I once thought we were. We grew up and grew out. I wanted to move forward, and make moves and this person was comfortable in their lukewarm ways. Plastered on this person's wall was a pic of their pic with their mother getting wasted. For a minute I felt sad for this person, because the only way they could connect with a parent had to be this way after years of rocky relationship between them.

As I stared at their pic with a bit of sadness I finally had a true realization of why we could never be that kind of friends again. I understood GOD's move in taking this person away from my life. As great of a time we had when we had it...it had to be left behind, because at that point in life we were somewhat on the same page of being babes in Christ, but this person decided that they wanted to continue being a babe. This person didn't want accountability....wanted to be a hearer and not a do-er of the word of GOD. This person just wanted to say I go to church because I'm a Christian, but never lead up the lifestyle that came with it. All of the sudden re-kindling a friendship wasn't as important as it was when I first read my old blog. However, I continue to pray for them....and all others like them. I hope and pray that one day they get a true realization of who GOD is and to be on fire for him instead of being lukewarm.

The hardest times of waiting....

I sat at my co-workers desk and stared a stack of business cards. I reviewed each and everyone of them to see if they are in our system. As I got closer to the end of the pile I saw a name that was familiar. I met Monica when I was just a newbie to aviation planning, and doing my very first internship. Since then I have gone onto be with two different local firms, and Monica left for California to be closer to her husband.

As I stared at her name it stirred up something in me to examine my life in the recent years. I realized that even though Monica left a great job here in the city to move to California she went there and got herself another great job in the same field. She knew exactly what it is that she wanted, and where she wanted to be. It got me thinking about my own dreams, and I realized somewhere along the line I lost it. I often get emails from people asking me what it is that I want to do....a 5 year plan....a 10 year plan, and I can't even provide them with a one week plan except SURVIVAL. When I am job searching I don't even know what to put in as my keywords to search.

Ten years ago I thought I had it all figured out. Go to school, become a pilot, graduate college by the time I was twenty, and have a great job with a top airline by the time I am 25. Flying was all I knew....I knew that's what I wanted to do....but somewhere along the journey of college the fire started to dim a little by little. 98% of the time I am just glad to have made it in life. I didn't end up a statistic. I put myself through college, and with the GRACE of GOD have made it this far in life. Then there is that 2% on days like this that realizes that I am 25 years old, and I have no plans...no direction.....no steady job...., passion is here nor there. and def not an airline job flying all over the world.

Maybe it's the fact that I don't even have a direction or an idea of a direction in which I want to go in. If I knew of this is the path I want to go in or this is where I see myself then the misery of how I feel right now would be eased, but I have zero clue. So when my parents ask me what my plans are for a masters program  I mumble some answer that will keep them off my case for a while. When people ask me how my job search is going I don't know how to tell them I don't even know where to begin my search. Or maybe the fact of knowing that I am 25 and I am still living with my parents would slightly diminish if I had a clue and soon won't be imposing on their lives. 

Should I say c'est la vie!? Sleep it off and hope for a better tomorrow......I think so...because life goes on.

L.G.L.G

It's crazy the things I run into while cleaning out my inbox and folders. Ran into this article I wrote back in 2009, but never published it anywhere. And no I haven't proof read it either LOL

Let Go and Let God!

When we say “Let Go Let God” do we really know what we are declaring? Truthfully I didn’t either till last night. Let it be made 100% clear that I have said “Oh I’m just going to Let go and let God” and being of the Choleric temperament I tend to want to get back in the drivers seats in a few hours/days or sometimes even weeks. But how am I letting it go if I’m back at it again? And what is letting go and letting God truly mean? Well I’m glad you asked (even though you didn’t) It means total surrender and submission, but of course we live in a society where those two words mean the worst. I mean let’s define the word surrender shall we? To give up possession of or power over; yield to another on demand or compulsion & submission defined is as the act of submitting something to another for decision, consideration, etc. YESSH! That doesn’t sound pretty at all. I mean giving in, and not doing it my way 100% sounds pretty harsh huh? I mean my plans after graduation is to “conquer the world kind of like Hitler minus the mass genocide and hatred of human kind”. How’s that going to work with this whole Letting Go and Letting God concept? Again GLAD YOU ASKED!!!!!!  You’re significant other comes up to and tells you “I really want to you to stop talking to so and so” You’re first reaction as mine would be. You have got to be kidding me, of course if you are smart you won’t say that out loud. Some things are better left unsaid and sadly most days I don’t practice that, but that’s a whole different subject. Weeks go on and he or she finds out about that text the other person send you merely because they were having a hard day and wanted some one to talk to. They ask you again “I really don’t want you to talk this person”. By now if you are a smart person and want to keep your relationships going with your SO you start cutting ties with this other person. No if, an’s or but’s. All you know is he or she and they must have a good reason for asking so. Well didn’t you just submit to one of their wishes?

 It means you gave up and you gave in and we just can’t have that. I have jokingly said may times “after graduation I’m going to conquer". But in all honesty isn’t that what we all hope to achieve in the long run. We want the car, the house, the bling, the family that compliments it all. And in order to achieve this you have to be a winner, always willing to fight for it, “when the going gets tough the tough gets going”. I was thinking how is that we can submit to our boyfriends/girlfriends/friends/cousins/families wishes, but when it comes to the wishes of God we want to tweak it. We want to be God, but let go and let God at the same time…isn’t that ironic? So to my family and friends who say LET GO AND LET GOD remember the next time you say it; it’s more than a statement that show’s in your demeanor for 5 mins then you try to control things again IT IS A LIFESTYLE! Like Jesus said in his final hours “not mine but thy will be done” Now that’s truly letting go and letting God.

My Ideal Job

Recently I have been addicted to everything HGTV. I mean I watch episodes after episodes of House Hunters, and Property Brothers etc. Every time I watch a renovation I can't help but think "WOW that would be a great job to have". Granted this is a bit odd for a female I love renovations. I've always enjoyed putting together things, and figuring out how things work. So I put together a list of things I would like my ideal job to look like:

Renovation
Photography
Writing (NOT TECHNICAL!!!)
Helping others
Traveling

You know in that progressive commercial there is a bundler?? You place a bunch of items together and it bundles it all up for you....can I have one of those for my career???

Are you ready for Hell?

We recently commemorated the 10 year anniversary of September 11. People from near and far poured out their stories and sentiments. I have on many occasions tried to imagine myself on one of those planes or even one of those buildings that burned down. I have wondered "would I have jumped?" "would I have been one of the people that survived to tell about it?" "would I have passed out?". I remember on the day off I spoke with a friend about burn victims. The different levels of burn from 1st degree to 3rd degree, and recently in church we've been talking a lot of the current situation of this nation.

As I was driving home the conversation I had about the burn victims kind of came back to me,and I came home and started doing some research. I searched a few sites to see how hot it would have been inside the WTC when it was burning. I couldn't pin point the exact degree in Celsius as each website had their own P.O.V on how hot it may have been. I got anywhere from 200 to 1000 and then some even higher.

Going back to the conversation of a burn victim, my friend explained in detail the different types of burns. It made me cringe listening to it. I mean can you imagine it? First your top layer of skin melts followed by a deeper burn all the way through to your flesh, and bones. If you are lucky you can pass out from smoke inhalation or shock. Then a bigger truth hit me....that's exactly what hell is going to be like...being burned every single day, every single moment of your life. This time you can't pass out or jump you have to endure it each and every single time. It really got me thinking "Are people really ready for hell?" If you don't think you could have handled being inside the WTC on the day of the attacks are you willing to risk living through that every single day of your life? Is a moment of worldly pleasure truly worth a lifetime of that?

Forgive so you can be forgiven

Last week while reading  up for my next Bible Study, I came across the chapter on forgiveness. I learned more about the importance of forgiveness within 30 minutes than I have known my whole life. I kept examining my life to see if there was anyone in my life that I have no forgiven. I kept thinking of people who have recently hurt me, and when I thought about I did not feel any resentment, however the idea of talking to them was a bit more harder. I kept thinking OMG I have to talk to them in order to gain forgiveness. So to get a deeper depth into if I am harboring un-forgiveness I spoke with my pastors wife. I asked her "is it possible to forgive someone, but not talk to them". To my surprise she said "yes" , which completely caught me off guard. She started to share a story with me about a dear friend of hers who she loved with her heart, but she was burned by this person way too many times. She went on to say how if she was around this person that this particular person will jack up her spirit. She started explaining to me saying that you can forgive people, but that doesn't mean they are necessarily good for your life or your spirit.

So here I am laying in my bed, and thinking off all the people we still allow to come into our lives, and jack up our spirits because we think in order to get in "good with GOD" we have to tolerate certain folks. Hmmmmm.....that's all I got folks....not a long entry....just an observation....

My sentiments vs My Ministry- What's the difference?

Couple of weeks ago my Houston mom said during Bible Study "People often stick around with others due to sentiments or memories". I raised my indivisible "GUILTY AS CHARGED" flag when she said that. So here I am weeks later, sitting in my closet (yes my CLOSET!!! It's the least distracting place in my room to do devotions. The most damage I could do in there is clean it up, and that is a damage I am willing to accept) reading the book of Matthew. I came across the story of the birth of Christ. Of course everyone and their mama has heard about the birth of Christ, and if they haven't YIKES!!! Peace be with you!. Any who, I was reading the part when the angel appeared to Joseph, and told him to pack and move to Egypt until it was safe. So Mary and Joseph did just that, in the middle of the night the new mom packed up everything, and traveled to Egypt. According to timeanddate.com that is roughly 264 miles on your handy dandy donkey. Can't you just imagine how full of joy that trip would be. There's you, a brand new mother who probably have not received much rest, then there is the baby, whom you must take care off, and your luxury ride THE DONKEY...hhhaaayyyy!!! let's do this!!! Ummm not so quick. I am all for sacrifices, but I am not sure if I would have been down for that trip as a brand new mom. Then she had the great pleasure of doing it again from Egypt to Nazareth (Israel). The point I am trying to make in all of this is that many can say Mary made a lot of sacrifices to make sure that her baby was kept alive. Of course most mothers do this for her children. 


Fast forward to a few decades, and in Mark chapter 3 there is a scene where Jesus offends his own mother while doing his ministry. 

Jesus Accused by His Family and by Teachers of the Law

 ²⁰ Then Jesus entered a house, and again a crowd gathered, so that he and his disciples were not even able to eat. ²¹ When his family^[b] heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, “He is out of his mind.”

 ³¹ Then Jesus’ mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone in to call him. ³² A crowd was sitting around him, and they told him, “Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you.”

   ³³ “Who are my mother and my brothers?” he asked.

 ³⁴ Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! ³⁵ Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.”

Christ knew what his ministry should all be about. He knew plenty would be offended even those close to him, but he also knew he came there for a purpose, a plan, and at any cost he must fulfill it. At no time in this passage do we see Jesus pausing for a minute and saying "hmmm I remember when I was a baby my parents took me all the way to Egypt and back on a donkey. She (Mary) suffered so much for me. I just want to be nice to her. I don't want to hurt her feelings, and I don't want people going up to her door saying what a crazy kid she has. I want her to have a good reputation here". He knew he had to say what he had to say because it was truth and people needed to hear it. 


As I read this chapter, and I visualized Joseph and Mary's journey my "GUILTY AS CHARGED" flags went up again. Then revelation hit....Mary's purpose in her lifetime was to give birth to the Messiah. She was God's chosen vessel for this task, and she did just that. She did what any mother should do, and would do. It was the Messiah's job to bring truth and light into a world that was dying, and full of legalism. 


All of us are placed here with a plan and purpose, but often time we let our memories from our past,and sentiments hold us off from moving forward. We stay in relationships that does not progress, we stay with friends who has been there since kindergarten, and even though you know GOD is calling you to move forward the idea of leaving them and the memories is too much to bear. Christ said "I must be about my father's business"  Luke 14: 26 states “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. 27 And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.


It's great to have memories, and it's great to have sentiments, it is great to love others, but are those things stopping you from your purpose. As I read this chapter I honestly started thinking about the times I put aside things time and time again for my family. Not because I agreed with what was going on, but out of pure sentiments about the "sacrifices" they have made for me once up on a time in a land far far away. There were times I said "I will not do this" only to turn around and do the exact same thing because I had a flash back of a sleepless night they had to endure because of me. But I never thought what if their sole purpose was to endure nights like that and go through some things. Because if they  had not gone through what they had went through then I wouldn't be here today, to tell people my story. 


Can you differentiate between your sentiments/memories and your call? Or like me is it all tangled together?

At the end of myself

This Sunday after church I had the pleasure of sitting down and talking to someone who pretty much does mission work for a living. I have always had a fascination with working in the field, but wanted to do it ALL for the right reasons. I feel as thought often time people get into doing GOD's work for their glory and actually not for GOD. I had strong feelings against that. So we left the conversation at keep praying on it, and see where GOD leads you. As I drove back home I couldn't help but get a bit emotional about my conversation with George. He talked about coming to the end of yourself, completely giving up who you are, and living for Christ. I asked myself a few easy and hard questions like

"Are you willing to give up something as simple as starbucks?"
"How about those manicures and pedicures?"
"How about the life you planned out for yourself?"

The last question is what made me stop dead in my tracks. The AMERICAN DREAM.....A nice house, nothing too fancy or overwhelming, but an actual home. The career that I've been dreaming off since I knew what a career meant, the husband, the kids, Disneyland....the great American dream dangled before me and I did not know the answer. The Bible says that the reward in heaven is much greater than anything I could fathom here on Earth, but is my flesh willing to let go off the American Dream, and truly come to the end of myself and become all for the cross. I realize that if I chose to go that route that my kids (should I be blessed with any) may not have the best education. They might have to attend a school somewhere in a 3rd world country. They may never experience any of the luxuries that I wanted them to have because mommie didn't have it. Then I took the kids out of the equation and asked myself "Are you willing to let go of your plans?" The house you want for yourself, the career with the nice paycheck?, all the things you thought your life should be.

I have to say my eyes filled up with tear as a popular gospel song played in my mind

I Give Myself Away- William McDowell

There is a particular part in the song that says "My life is not my own To you I belong I give myself, I give myself to you"

I wondered at that moment  how many people under stood the strength (for lack of a better word at the moment) of those words. I wondered how many people actually meant it. I wondered how many people are willing to give up their dreams to take up the cross.

Growing.......growing....GROWN!?

It's funny to think that when I was 18 I thought I was the epitome of what growth and maturity was. Don't get me wrong I did have more responsibilities that you average 18 year old cub, but to look at where I am and where I've been it's almost a chuckle chuckle knee slap moment. This is a continuation of my previous entry.

Growth is one of the most exhilarating, annoying, take me out of my comfort zone things in the world. Another spiritual snap shot moment brought to you by Prayer, reading the word of GOD, and moments of growth.

Yesterday I spent almost two hours on the phone with someone who went over my resume with me. Now not only did he go over it he emailed it to colleagues all over the nation that ripped it apart, and crushed my little bubbly soul. As he was talking to me I started thinking things like maybe I'm just not cut out for the real world. Maybe I should just settle for some job somewhere. I don't know what I want out of life. Maybe I'm supposed to be a housewife somewhere cause corporate world has given me the boot since last year. Along with the snow ball effect that occurs from such thoughts I even thought maybe I should just leave TEXAS. I never really liked this state anyways (not true by the way I do like this state just not Satan's breathe that's being blown on us daily with triple digit weather)

Needless to say I had a moment of epiphany. I told myself "Now self...you know God has placed you here for reason. As much as I hate heavily dislike living paycheck to paycheck, not having much direction in life, and wanting to move away I finally realize I have an assignment here." I have tried on many occasion to move forward. When I really think about it the fact that I know the people I know if they wanted to they could pull a few strings and get me back in the corporate world without a big problem. The truth is no matter how hard I pushed forward I didn't move forward.....I stood still...why? Because I have not opened up my eyes to see why GOD has placed me here, and it would be a shame to keep pushing and pushing, and finally GOD releases me to go somewhere else only to realize I have to go through every thing I went through again because I wasn't sensitive enough to know when and what GOD was trying to do.Now you see this is a pretty big deal, so that means every time I feel the need to pack my bags and run in the opposite direction I get to ask myself "Is GOD moving you or are you moving yourself?" and "Do you feel like you have done what it is that you need to do?". Now instead of looking at my current situation as "I'll catch the first train out of town" I have the opportunity to approach it with maturity (LOL), and open up my inner eyes to see which task I need to take care off, before I chunk up the dueces.

Growth.....it's such a funny thing, but be careful what you wish for when you ask GOD for things...

Spiritual Snap Shots

So the other day as I often do I was browsing through my older profile pictures on facebook. I like to see the changes that has taken place, to think what I was feeling that moment, and just to see how much I have changed or if any changes have taken place. As I browsed through the pictures I stopped and looked at one particular picture. I’ve seen this picture so many times I’ve lost count. I’ve read and re-read the comments and laughed or smiled accordingly, but this time I looked at the picture and realized how much my hair has grown since that picture was taken (9 months prior). The funny thing is I’ve been determined to grow my hair out as much as possible, but after a while I stopped seeing results. I told myself that my hair is incapable of growing past a certain point. When I looked in the mirror daily my hair had not made much progress since that picture. But in all honesty my hair has grown out far more than I knew, but since I was always looking at it every day I didn’t see change, and the change wasn’t as fast as I had anticipated. It got me thinking about two of my dear friends who quite often tell me how much I have grown in Christ, and how much I continue to grow. But through my eyes I felt like since I was truly saved I haven’t made that much progress, and it often takes a toll on me because serving Christ and growing in him means so much to me. When they tell me this I see it here and there, but most times I think they’re smoking crack. But after seeing my profile pictures today I have realized I have grown I just don’t see it, because I have a goal and where I think I SHOULD be and then there is the reality of where I actually AM. That doesn’t mean I haven’t grown in Christ…I mean I would have to pass that stage to get to where I think I SHOULD be right? I mean my hair can’t go from a bob too long and flowing over night (unless weave/extension is involved). Just like that I can’t come into the Kingdom and expect to be where someone of 25 years has been over night. It takes times and patience, and most important of it all it takes commitment. So I told myself I should take snap shots of my Spiritual growth!!, but seeing as that is nearly impossible to photograph where I am spiritually I should start writing more about where I am in life. Cause in all honesty if GOD gave me some of the trials I’ve been enduring these past couple of months I would not have been able handle it with such GRACE…..or GRACE period back then LOL!!! I would have not have been able to say such things as “ I know I wake up every morning with the will to move on because GOD is on my side, and tomorrow will be better, and he won’t give me more than I can handle”

Well there’s my spiritual journal/snap shot….let’s see how many changes take place..

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday...Praise him Every Day...Praise Him Everyday

As I sat in church Sunday morning I was deeply touched by the song "God is Able". I told myself "Oh my what a beautiful song...the beautiful lyrics has always touched me, and it's so true" I scanned the whole sanctuary and saw that everyone was in great spirits. Everyone had a smile on their face as the sang the song at the top of their lungs. Then I told myself "too bad that same smile won't last the whole week". The same might we sang it with will be tested during the week , and some of us might keep up the smile while others crumble under the pressure of what reality has hurled at them. Then I had a genius thought.....(mind you I don't have many of those on a weekly basis heck even monthly)


Often times under great pressure we forget GOD's promises to us. We forget the words GOD gave our preacher to preach to us...we even forget the songs that we sang that made us feel so good, and gave us goosebumps. So I have a great solution and if you came up with this before me :p...you didn't talk about it so it's a Juby Laila Original for every day of the week we should have a song that reminds us of God's goodness and promises. For example, you wake up Monday morning....before you can even open your eyes the enemy is fighting you  in the rim of your mind. Before you know it every single seed that was planted in your starts to slowly wither, because we start seeing everything in the natural.....so for Monday remember


GOD IS ABLE:
God is able to do just what he said he would do.
He's going to fulfill every promise to you
Don't give up on GOD
Cause he won't give up on you
HE'S ABLE


Tuesday morning while driving to work you car starts smoking.You panic, but remember NO MATTER WHAT:


I’m running back to your promises one more time, Lord that’s all I can hold on to, I gotta say this has taken me by surprise, but nothing surprises you. Before a heartache can ever touch my life, it has to go through Your hands, and even though I, keep asking why, I keep asking why.


Wednesday morning you get news that someone you care about has been diagnosed with _____________. You immediately remember "By his stripes we are healed"


You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need


Thursday you feel down...you're not sure if GOD is really listening I mean nothing has changed. The preacher said change is on it's way, and my situation looks the same.


I waited for you today
But You didn't show
No.No.No.
I needed You today
So where did you go?
You told me to call
you said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?

I cried out with no reply and
I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone.

And though I can not see You
and I can't explain why.
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life oh
We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
and though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen


Friday you know Sunday is just around the corner....so you sing "What a mighty GOD we serve"


Come Saturday as you prep yourself for GOD's house you have a recap of the week and you sing


We've come this far by faith
Pick up your pace and don't you be late
I'm hear to tell ya about the good news
Somethin' about the path that we choose y'all
Wisdom has built this house now
Integrity will bring your pride out
If you know how to pray the situation out
Prayer is the answer..There is no doubt

Monday we held it together and..
Wednesday we had stormy weather and..
Friday we prayed it all better and..
Sunday we heard the news.


There you have it ladies it gentlemen...the survival guide to most of the enemies traps....of course prayer and staying in the word is key.... 

I smiled as we hung up the phone. I had a few tears in my eyes, but they were tears of joy not off sadness. As soon as I hung up our 45 minute conversation my phone automatically prompted to add this unknown number into my phone book. I stared at it intently thinking "maybe it's time I add this number back into my address book". I stared at it too long, because the prompt went away. I smiled anyways...because I knew that's not a number I would forget anytime soon. It's been itched in my memory like a tatoo. I have had many memories with this number. I have called it endless amounts of times....texted it more times than I could recall...fought with it....cried with it...laughed... broke up with it...made up with it.... even fell in love with the person who this number belonged too. So you see regardless of if I added it or not didn't make much of a difference, because it has left it's mark in my life. So I put my phone down wiped away the few tears that has formed in my eyes, and laid down with the satisfaction of knowing that even when you think all hope is gone, God has a way of turning it around. It was never the ending I wanted, but it's the ending I needed.

In my late teen age and early 20's the closest thing to a religious experience I received weekly was hitting up the hottest parties of Dallas and it's surrounding areas. I fellowshipped with my weekly party friends, and danced like David danced. During this time of  "fellowship" I have had the opportunity to meet some interesting people. People that I would not have met other wise. These people intrigued me, interested me, and most importantly impressed me. One of the most impressive types of people I met during this time were the ones that partied hard, but when we sat down to have intimate conversations they would share their religious overviews. They knew GOD, they could quote scriptures, and they seemed so comfortable with the fact that they knew of this GOD. I was mesmerized...I wished I were more like them...I wished I too could quote scriptures, and knew a Christian song or two (that came out in the recent years instead of 1999). But I didn't, I was just another lost soul....hurt by church, and it's people, and didn't care about being saved.

Fast forward four and half years: The very thing I admired in people is the very thing I detest about Christianity. In the past four and half years GOD has started to do a work in me where I began to know him more for myself. He started dealing with my personal demons, and started to cover my past walk of shame with his Grace. The more I got to know him the more I realized how the people I once admired were a walking contradiction of who HE is. He isn't for people who sleep around with different women all the time, or folks who defile their body, and mind. These couple of days I have been walking on edge. I see so much of Christianity being defiled, and corrupted. People who tweek the word of GOD to fit their lifestyle. In fact there has been many instances within the past week where I just wanted to shut people up, and tell them "No boo that's not GOD that's just your flesh. And if you think that's GOD then we don't serve the same GOD".

My last semester of college as I sat in the library with a group of people who became good friends of mine in that class started talking about phone applications. One of them said "They have a Bible app now can you believe it?" To which I replied "They sure do I have it on my phone" I knew as soon as I said it she regretted saying that out loud, but I was not the type to take offense to such things. As soon as I showed my group the phone with the Bible app in the main menu my guy friend goes "Mmmhmmm I hear about girls like you". I must say that's not the first time I have heard that however, each time I hear that I'm thinking I don't know what you've heard, but I follow Christ. Then I got to thinking there are so many other people out there who are like the group of people I hung out with back in Dallas, and when the outside world looks in that's what they think Christianity is all about. A community full of posers, and if you are a true believer then you are judgmental or too religious.

Well I'm here to set the record straight not all Christian do whatever they want,and then claim GOD. Trust me I'm not saying I was or even am perfect. I have made plenty of mistakes throughout my lifetime, and continue to make it, but as I continued to get to know GOD his words let me know of there's a big difference between knowing off me and knowing me personally.

Romans Chapter 6

¹ What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? ² By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? ³ Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? ⁴ We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.

He IS....

Found this on youtube and thought it was totally worth sharing

God Throughout the BIBLE

In Genesis, Jesus Christ is the Seed of the Woman who will crush the head of the serpent.
In Exodus, He is the Passover Lamb.
In Leviticus, He is our High Priest.
In Numbers, He is the pillar of cloud by day, and the pillar of fire by night.
In Deuteronomy, He is the Prophet & Mediator like Moses.
In Joshua, He is the Captain of our Salvation.
In Judges, He is our Judge and Law-Giver.
In Ruth, He is our Kinsmen-Redeemer.
In 1 and 2 Samuel, He is our trusted Prophet.
In Kings and Chronicles, He is our Reigning King.
In Ezra, He is the rebuilder of the broken-down walls of human life.
In Esther, He is our Mordechai.
In Job, He is our innocent Sufferer
In Psalms, He is our Shepherd.
In Proverbs and Ecclesiastes, He is our Wisdom.
In Song of Solomon, He is our loving Bridegroom.
In Isaiah, He is the Prince of Peace.
In Jeremiah, He is our Righteousness
In Lamentations, He is our weeping Prophet.
In Ezekiel, He is the Son of Man
In Daniel, He is the fourth man in the fiery furnace.
In Hosea, He is the Faithful Husband forever married to the back-slider.
In Joel, He is the Baptizer of the Holy Ghost and fire.
In Amos, He is our Burden-Bearer.
In Obadiah, He is Mighty to Save.
In Jonah, He is our Great Foreign Missionary.
In Micah, He is the Messenger with Beautiful Feet.
In Nahum, He is the Avenger of God's Elect.
In Habbakuk, He is God's Evangelist crying "In the midst of the years, revive your work!"
In Zepheniah, He is our Saviour.
In Haggai, He the Restorer of God's Lost Heritage.
In Zechariah, He is the Fountain opened up in the House of David for sin and uncleanliness.
In Malachi, He is the Son of Righteousness rising with healing in His wings.
In Matthew, He is the King of the Jews.
In Mark, He is the Servant.
In Luke, He is the Friend of Sinners
In John, He is the Word of God.
In Acts, He is the Saviour of the World.
In Romans, He is the Righteousness of God.
In 1 Corinthians, He is the Rock giving us water in the wilderness.
In 2 Corinthians, He is the Fulfillment of all God's Promises
In Galatians, He is the Promised Seed of Abraham
In Ephesians, He is the Head of the Church.
In Philippians, He is your Joy.
In Colossians, He is your Completeness.
In 1 and 2 Thessalonians, He is your Hope.
In 1 Timothy, He is your Faith.
In 2 Timothy, He is your Stability.
In Philemon, He is your Benefactor.
In Titus, He is Truth.
In Hebrews, He is the Author and Perfector of our faith.
In James, He is the Power behind your faith.
In 1 Peter, He is your Example.
In 2 Peter, He is your Purity.
In 1 John, He is your Life.
In 2 John, He is your Teacher.
In 3 John, He is your Motivation.
In Jude, He is the Foundation of your faith.
In Revelation, He is your Coming King.

N.O.T.W

Romans 12:2- GOD'S Word Translation

Don't become like the people of this world. Instead, change the way you think. Then you will always be able to determine what God really wants-what is good, pleasing, and perfect.


The word of GOD says that once we are in him we are no longer of this world, and that we are new creatures. I often find myself wondering if this is true why do I (can't speak for anyone else but myself) spend so much time being off this world,and doing things of this world. If the road is so narrow then why do I conduct construction on it to widen it to fit my lifestyle? 


It's funny how we justify the things we do like for example: recently a friend of mine came back to the church, and really started getting into the things of GOD. When I was going through an episode or didn't feel like being very Christians towards others I used her as a crutch. Instead of thinking so and so in new in CHRIST I should be the one setting an example for her I thought well so and so's parent is in the ministry and they act this way so it must be okay for me to do it too. Knowing good and well it wasn't right for me to act/feel that way. The truth of the matter is I am the representative of the Kingdom, and if my duties include not becoming of this world, BUT becoming a light for it then I should do so. That means my actions, attitude, and even the things that come out of my mouth should be considered twice, because in reality just like I used my friend as a crutch to get away with how I felt someone else is watching me...waiting for that opportunity when I can become a crutch to them. By no means am I saying that I should be perfect 24/7 never make a mistake, for if we didn't make mistakes then we wouldn't need CHRIST. But me personally (and this is something I feel very strongly about) I don't think we should cuss, sleep around, say what we want, do what we want, and still say we are a CHRISTIANS, because that is a total mis-representation of who CHRIST is, and what he did for us on that cross. 

Psalms 37: 23

The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD: and he delighteth in his way.

Last week I sat at my mechanics lobby area slightly sad about what I had to deal with in life. The people I don't bother, and have left alone in life kept coming back to take me down, and leave me down. I've prayed for them, I prayed for myself to change if it was me. Every time I was done praying for the situation I got a phone call about how the situation has worsen, so I started to just leave it alone and let GOD be GOD. The situation never left me alone always came knocking at my door regardless if I answered or not it kept knocking. I just didn't understand why GOD hasn't taken this out of my life. I mean I'm a pretty good person GOD. I do the best I can I try to lead a lifestyle pleasing to you. Then today as I sat in service our pastor asked us to hear this repeatedly over and over again. He quoted Psalms 37:23, and broke it down in a way I have never looked at it before. I always read the scripture and thought "Oh okay you do the right thing, live a life that is pleasing to GOD then he will guide you". I never put my situation in to this scripture, and when I put my situation in to this scripture this is how it's translated. Every trial and tribulation you have gone through and are going through it was and is being guided by me. Even when you didn't know me or see me I was there taking the steps to get you where you need to be. Somehow being stuck in my situation didn't seem so bad after that. He has a reason why this keeps happening in my life, and I can honestly say I HAVE NO IDEA what his reason is, but the reminder was good. To know not even a single detail goes without his reason and knowledge.

OMG! I have so much to write about. Of course the day I wanted to write my lap top wasn't with me, and the house computer was acting retarded....none the less I will write it all soon. Just wanted to post this really quick. Something chessy, something sweet....something SATC

His hello was the end of her endings
Her laugh was the first step down the aisle
His hand would be hers to hold forever
His forever was as simple as her smile
He said "she was what was missing"
She said, instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
And his answer was "I do"

Written 3/21/2011

As I laid in my bed late last night surfing the web. I saw yet another acquitance on facebook bounce from one relationship to another. As I sat their pondering about this one of the most crude thoughts formed in my mind. And as crude as it is, it made complete sense to me.

If we treated dating a little bit more like a business deal then we would be in for less of a heart break. Now hear me out...I'm not saying be an emotion Nazi, but to more knowing I supposed is the word I'm looking for. Here's the deal....your first conversation with a person tells you a lot about them. You don't need to sugar coat it for them they've already laid it out on the table (let's look at this as the contract). Now after seeing what you see why sugar coat it and go into only to realize months down the line that it wasn't what you wanted in the first place. Then you get the reputation of someone who bounces in and out of relationship...a flake.

My friends tend to get on my case about not giving people chances. That I should go out more often, and that if anything it's at least a free dinner. You see I don't look at it as a free dinner...I look at it as an obligation...I look at it as people saying "she just cant decides she's always dating around"....I also do this because I'm pretty sure of what I DON'T want. You see most guys that try to talk to me as soon as they open their mouth and start talking I listen to what comes out of it. How they handle themselves? How they treat people? If none of these matches up why not just be friends or acquittance because clearly I'm not about to lead you on and give you false hope and waste both of our times.

Am I absolutely wrong for thinking this way?

Jeremiah 29:11 


"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.


In my life I have met many people who have many favorite scriptures. Me..well as for me this is the only one I have stuck by, and has stuck with me. It seems as if with each passing months that I step in from one storm to another and I always had to remind myself Jeremiah 29:11. Ever since graduating from college it's been yet another roller coaster of a ride with my emotions. For the first time in my life I found myself with no job and no plan. Most days I find it even hard to get out of my bed and do anything because what's the point. After this weekend I have decided that I am going to start looking at graduate programs. These are the days I see no light at the end of the tunnel. I have no idea how I am going to pay for school, if I have to move how I will afford it or even how to pick the right school for my grad program (I had a horrible experience with my under grad) 


And then I have to remind myself...I didn't do it by myself the last time. Even though I don't see the light yet doesn't mean it doesn't exist, and above all I just have to believe in my heart of hearts that I will end up where I need to be when I need to be there.

Pray for me ya'll....today is a tough day.

And tomorrow I have an interview for which I'm not even excited about, but will have to fake enthusiasm through. It'll be okay because better days are yet to come :-).

Product Review

So I'm a bit "eh" today, and I wanted to write, but I just couldn't loop up all my thoughts, so I figured as long as my fingers felt the keyboard I should feel somewhat okay. So instead of talking about what is making me "eh" I decided to do a product review. So I have NEVER done one of these, and really didn't think I would. I've been wanting to get a curling wand for some time now, but being on a strict budget I decided against it until some sort of money came my way that I may "splurge" with. In rolls income tax money. I told myself that when ever I get my money from the government I would do something nice for myself, and last night I decided that something would be a wand. So this morning I walked into Target and made my purchase. I was going to wait till I washed my hair the next time to use it, but I just couldn't wait. So here is my purchase

It is the Remington Pearl Wand, and I must say I realllllly like it!!!!. I curled my whole head in about 15 mins or less. Goes upto 400 degrees and less than $30. I say INVEST!!!! Okay...I need to do a real post fake posting wasn't helpful. 

Fustrating thing about writing being my outlet is when I can't write. I have a million ideas just tossing and turning, but none of them are forming.

Roots

*My apologies if this post seems a bit disarrayed*


I know it's been rather some time since I have done an actual post. Even though I've had a few things I wanted to post on here at that point I myself did not fully process what God was doing, and even to this moment he is working it out for me. But please believe that I will updating soon. HOWEVER, I did want to post something that crossed my mind as I was driving to school today.


In my mind I imagined a government official shaking my hand, and asking me "Ms. Kuruvilla, why do you think our government is doing as bad as it is right now?". To which I responded "Well sir, it is because we have turned away the very thing this country was established on. The foundation of this country was based on religious freedom, but in present day we are not even allowed to bring Christ to school with us at the fear of "offending" someone. God is the root on which this country was established up on, and just like a tree can't flourish after it's been pulled out of it's roots, how can a country flourish once it's been ripped away from it's roots the very thing it was established on"


Then before I called it an evening I decided to read Deuteronomy chapter 29. In actuality the whole book deals with the inner conversation I had today, but then one verse really made me stop, and that was verse 25


And the answer will be: "It is because this people abandoned the covenant of the LORD, the God of their ancestors, the covenant he made with them when he brought them out of Egypt." (NIV)