Growing.......growing....GROWN!?

It's funny to think that when I was 18 I thought I was the epitome of what growth and maturity was. Don't get me wrong I did have more responsibilities that you average 18 year old cub, but to look at where I am and where I've been it's almost a chuckle chuckle knee slap moment. This is a continuation of my previous entry.

Growth is one of the most exhilarating, annoying, take me out of my comfort zone things in the world. Another spiritual snap shot moment brought to you by Prayer, reading the word of GOD, and moments of growth.

Yesterday I spent almost two hours on the phone with someone who went over my resume with me. Now not only did he go over it he emailed it to colleagues all over the nation that ripped it apart, and crushed my little bubbly soul. As he was talking to me I started thinking things like maybe I'm just not cut out for the real world. Maybe I should just settle for some job somewhere. I don't know what I want out of life. Maybe I'm supposed to be a housewife somewhere cause corporate world has given me the boot since last year. Along with the snow ball effect that occurs from such thoughts I even thought maybe I should just leave TEXAS. I never really liked this state anyways (not true by the way I do like this state just not Satan's breathe that's being blown on us daily with triple digit weather)

Needless to say I had a moment of epiphany. I told myself "Now self...you know God has placed you here for reason. As much as I hate heavily dislike living paycheck to paycheck, not having much direction in life, and wanting to move away I finally realize I have an assignment here." I have tried on many occasion to move forward. When I really think about it the fact that I know the people I know if they wanted to they could pull a few strings and get me back in the corporate world without a big problem. The truth is no matter how hard I pushed forward I didn't move forward.....I stood still...why? Because I have not opened up my eyes to see why GOD has placed me here, and it would be a shame to keep pushing and pushing, and finally GOD releases me to go somewhere else only to realize I have to go through every thing I went through again because I wasn't sensitive enough to know when and what GOD was trying to do.Now you see this is a pretty big deal, so that means every time I feel the need to pack my bags and run in the opposite direction I get to ask myself "Is GOD moving you or are you moving yourself?" and "Do you feel like you have done what it is that you need to do?". Now instead of looking at my current situation as "I'll catch the first train out of town" I have the opportunity to approach it with maturity (LOL), and open up my inner eyes to see which task I need to take care off, before I chunk up the dueces.

Growth.....it's such a funny thing, but be careful what you wish for when you ask GOD for things...

Spiritual Snap Shots

So the other day as I often do I was browsing through my older profile pictures on facebook. I like to see the changes that has taken place, to think what I was feeling that moment, and just to see how much I have changed or if any changes have taken place. As I browsed through the pictures I stopped and looked at one particular picture. I’ve seen this picture so many times I’ve lost count. I’ve read and re-read the comments and laughed or smiled accordingly, but this time I looked at the picture and realized how much my hair has grown since that picture was taken (9 months prior). The funny thing is I’ve been determined to grow my hair out as much as possible, but after a while I stopped seeing results. I told myself that my hair is incapable of growing past a certain point. When I looked in the mirror daily my hair had not made much progress since that picture. But in all honesty my hair has grown out far more than I knew, but since I was always looking at it every day I didn’t see change, and the change wasn’t as fast as I had anticipated. It got me thinking about two of my dear friends who quite often tell me how much I have grown in Christ, and how much I continue to grow. But through my eyes I felt like since I was truly saved I haven’t made that much progress, and it often takes a toll on me because serving Christ and growing in him means so much to me. When they tell me this I see it here and there, but most times I think they’re smoking crack. But after seeing my profile pictures today I have realized I have grown I just don’t see it, because I have a goal and where I think I SHOULD be and then there is the reality of where I actually AM. That doesn’t mean I haven’t grown in Christ…I mean I would have to pass that stage to get to where I think I SHOULD be right? I mean my hair can’t go from a bob too long and flowing over night (unless weave/extension is involved). Just like that I can’t come into the Kingdom and expect to be where someone of 25 years has been over night. It takes times and patience, and most important of it all it takes commitment. So I told myself I should take snap shots of my Spiritual growth!!, but seeing as that is nearly impossible to photograph where I am spiritually I should start writing more about where I am in life. Cause in all honesty if GOD gave me some of the trials I’ve been enduring these past couple of months I would not have been able handle it with such GRACE…..or GRACE period back then LOL!!! I would have not have been able to say such things as “ I know I wake up every morning with the will to move on because GOD is on my side, and tomorrow will be better, and he won’t give me more than I can handle”

Well there’s my spiritual journal/snap shot….let’s see how many changes take place..