Growing.......growing....GROWN!?

It's funny to think that when I was 18 I thought I was the epitome of what growth and maturity was. Don't get me wrong I did have more responsibilities that you average 18 year old cub, but to look at where I am and where I've been it's almost a chuckle chuckle knee slap moment. This is a continuation of my previous entry.

Growth is one of the most exhilarating, annoying, take me out of my comfort zone things in the world. Another spiritual snap shot moment brought to you by Prayer, reading the word of GOD, and moments of growth.

Yesterday I spent almost two hours on the phone with someone who went over my resume with me. Now not only did he go over it he emailed it to colleagues all over the nation that ripped it apart, and crushed my little bubbly soul. As he was talking to me I started thinking things like maybe I'm just not cut out for the real world. Maybe I should just settle for some job somewhere. I don't know what I want out of life. Maybe I'm supposed to be a housewife somewhere cause corporate world has given me the boot since last year. Along with the snow ball effect that occurs from such thoughts I even thought maybe I should just leave TEXAS. I never really liked this state anyways (not true by the way I do like this state just not Satan's breathe that's being blown on us daily with triple digit weather)

Needless to say I had a moment of epiphany. I told myself "Now self...you know God has placed you here for reason. As much as I hate heavily dislike living paycheck to paycheck, not having much direction in life, and wanting to move away I finally realize I have an assignment here." I have tried on many occasion to move forward. When I really think about it the fact that I know the people I know if they wanted to they could pull a few strings and get me back in the corporate world without a big problem. The truth is no matter how hard I pushed forward I didn't move forward.....I stood still...why? Because I have not opened up my eyes to see why GOD has placed me here, and it would be a shame to keep pushing and pushing, and finally GOD releases me to go somewhere else only to realize I have to go through every thing I went through again because I wasn't sensitive enough to know when and what GOD was trying to do.Now you see this is a pretty big deal, so that means every time I feel the need to pack my bags and run in the opposite direction I get to ask myself "Is GOD moving you or are you moving yourself?" and "Do you feel like you have done what it is that you need to do?". Now instead of looking at my current situation as "I'll catch the first train out of town" I have the opportunity to approach it with maturity (LOL), and open up my inner eyes to see which task I need to take care off, before I chunk up the dueces.

Growth.....it's such a funny thing, but be careful what you wish for when you ask GOD for things...