At the end of myself

This Sunday after church I had the pleasure of sitting down and talking to someone who pretty much does mission work for a living. I have always had a fascination with working in the field, but wanted to do it ALL for the right reasons. I feel as thought often time people get into doing GOD's work for their glory and actually not for GOD. I had strong feelings against that. So we left the conversation at keep praying on it, and see where GOD leads you. As I drove back home I couldn't help but get a bit emotional about my conversation with George. He talked about coming to the end of yourself, completely giving up who you are, and living for Christ. I asked myself a few easy and hard questions like

"Are you willing to give up something as simple as starbucks?"
"How about those manicures and pedicures?"
"How about the life you planned out for yourself?"

The last question is what made me stop dead in my tracks. The AMERICAN DREAM.....A nice house, nothing too fancy or overwhelming, but an actual home. The career that I've been dreaming off since I knew what a career meant, the husband, the kids, Disneyland....the great American dream dangled before me and I did not know the answer. The Bible says that the reward in heaven is much greater than anything I could fathom here on Earth, but is my flesh willing to let go off the American Dream, and truly come to the end of myself and become all for the cross. I realize that if I chose to go that route that my kids (should I be blessed with any) may not have the best education. They might have to attend a school somewhere in a 3rd world country. They may never experience any of the luxuries that I wanted them to have because mommie didn't have it. Then I took the kids out of the equation and asked myself "Are you willing to let go of your plans?" The house you want for yourself, the career with the nice paycheck?, all the things you thought your life should be.

I have to say my eyes filled up with tear as a popular gospel song played in my mind

I Give Myself Away- William McDowell

There is a particular part in the song that says "My life is not my own To you I belong I give myself, I give myself to you"

I wondered at that moment  how many people under stood the strength (for lack of a better word at the moment) of those words. I wondered how many people actually meant it. I wondered how many people are willing to give up their dreams to take up the cross.