Entitlement

I recently finished a book/devotion/Bible study called the Bait of Satan for the second time in 3 years. I must say the first time I went through it I got the concept of what the Spirit of offense is, but this time around I was able to get a deeper understanding. After six months of reading, praying, and answering questions I thought there was no more anger/unforgiveness/hurt/resentment in me. I truly searched myself, and said "LORD I really don't feel angry when I think about the people who have offended me". At the very end of the book the author has a prayer, and in that prayer it says to "reveal" if there is anyone I am offended with. I honestly kept thinking "GOD I'm good...I honestly can't think of anyone I am mad at" , but at the same time I did want him to show me if I had swept something under the rug. Four days later I had a true encounter with someone who has hurt me deeply in my past. As I sat there having a real conversation with this person (which I have avoided at all cost for over a year) I saw a ribbon in anger in me. Now you are wondering what the heck is a ribbon of anger?? When I was talking to this person I literally visioned a small ribbon. It's so thin and unnoticed, but it's still there if you care to go through and look for it. I then realized that I have been walking around slightly mad at this person. Though I didn't tell everyone everything this person has done to hurt me I would roll my eyes at the mention of their name, and think they don't even deserve my scrap as friendship. I spoke rudely about this person when I spoke to my closest friends. I felt that people needed to know this person isn't the best person in the world. They've truly hurt me, and they didn't get hurt in the process. I felt entitled to feel the way I felt.

That's the thing about offense we often feel that we are entitled to feel a certain way, because of how people treated us. Peter asked Christ how often he should forgive an offender, and his reply was simple "seven times seventy". We should forgive so often that we loose count. What if GOD got tired of forgiving us for every thing we do? What if he kept count of every wrong? Last night was reminded of two things over again "Deliverance is NOT an event, but it is a walk" and "The only thing I am, and was entitled too was death, and HE took that one away from me too". Few days ago I didn't think I had any anger or resentment in me, and that when I acted a certain way it was because it was normal. I was being tough...I was just protecting myself, but he said "Not so...take a look again". So from today on wards I choose to pray that he grids me up, and helps me get over that small unnoticed ribbon of anger and resentment. In fact I'm already believing that it is done, and that IT IS BROKEN!!!

Waiting on Prince Charming....Starting.....TOMORROW

Every girl has dreamed of the day when she gets to put on that big pouffy dress, and walk down the aisle while angelic music is being played. All eyes would be on her, while she focuses on the man that is waiting for her up front. Unfortunate for my prince charming I have never spend too much time and effort on this thought. I am what most folks will prefer to as "passive" when it comes to the idea of marriage or a wedding. Though in my past I have looked for love in all the wrong places happily forever wasn't quite the agenda at hand. Well that is until now! I am now what most people to refer to as "an adult". I am also in a very healthy, GOD centered relationship so the idea of marriage is a wee but more realistic now that it was year or so ago. So last night my significant other challenges me! He challenged me to pray a bold prayer towards marriage. I said I would, then this morning I thought "am I really ready for the idea of marriage?". I can easily see us spending the rest of our lives together as man and wife, but has GOD prepared my mind to take on that role. There are days I can say "WHY YES OF COURSE!!! I can do all things through CHRIST who strengthens me!!". Then there are days like today when I get a little "worried", because I think if I get married I'm giving up ME. That after marriage there won't be any more exciting tales, or trips with my friend, or my own space, and freedom. I won't be just me....it'll be me + 1. Will I be able to do random acts? Pick up and leave? Not wash the dishes till I feel like it? Yes yes it is all quite selfish, and I can honestly say the reason I choose not to be married right now is because of my slight selfishness. But then in the recent years it became about GOD's timing,and him preparing me for that very moment that I walk down the aisle, and then the time afterwards. I have to say he has brought me a mighty long way in my thinking towards marriage and commitment, but I KNOW he has some more to do before he can let me walk down that aisle. 

So prince charming I will wake up tomorrow and continue to seek GOD in our "Godly tale"