Entitlement

I recently finished a book/devotion/Bible study called the Bait of Satan for the second time in 3 years. I must say the first time I went through it I got the concept of what the Spirit of offense is, but this time around I was able to get a deeper understanding. After six months of reading, praying, and answering questions I thought there was no more anger/unforgiveness/hurt/resentment in me. I truly searched myself, and said "LORD I really don't feel angry when I think about the people who have offended me". At the very end of the book the author has a prayer, and in that prayer it says to "reveal" if there is anyone I am offended with. I honestly kept thinking "GOD I'm good...I honestly can't think of anyone I am mad at" , but at the same time I did want him to show me if I had swept something under the rug. Four days later I had a true encounter with someone who has hurt me deeply in my past. As I sat there having a real conversation with this person (which I have avoided at all cost for over a year) I saw a ribbon in anger in me. Now you are wondering what the heck is a ribbon of anger?? When I was talking to this person I literally visioned a small ribbon. It's so thin and unnoticed, but it's still there if you care to go through and look for it. I then realized that I have been walking around slightly mad at this person. Though I didn't tell everyone everything this person has done to hurt me I would roll my eyes at the mention of their name, and think they don't even deserve my scrap as friendship. I spoke rudely about this person when I spoke to my closest friends. I felt that people needed to know this person isn't the best person in the world. They've truly hurt me, and they didn't get hurt in the process. I felt entitled to feel the way I felt.

That's the thing about offense we often feel that we are entitled to feel a certain way, because of how people treated us. Peter asked Christ how often he should forgive an offender, and his reply was simple "seven times seventy". We should forgive so often that we loose count. What if GOD got tired of forgiving us for every thing we do? What if he kept count of every wrong? Last night was reminded of two things over again "Deliverance is NOT an event, but it is a walk" and "The only thing I am, and was entitled too was death, and HE took that one away from me too". Few days ago I didn't think I had any anger or resentment in me, and that when I acted a certain way it was because it was normal. I was being tough...I was just protecting myself, but he said "Not so...take a look again". So from today on wards I choose to pray that he grids me up, and helps me get over that small unnoticed ribbon of anger and resentment. In fact I'm already believing that it is done, and that IT IS BROKEN!!!