Giving up their right so I can have mine.

I've always said that I can be a soldier. I've said I'm willing to leave behind all things familiar to fight for a cause. I've even said being away from the ones that love me the most wouldn't be so hard. I've said it, but I have yet to do it. In fact, I have stayed in my warm bed, working Monday through Friday and getting adequate sleep. I am able to wake up Sunday mornings and go to church (GOD forbid I should miss a service). Even though I haven't done it I know plenty of people who have. In fact some one very close to me is currently enduring a deployment. He's not only enduring a deployment he is some days working 24 hours straight, being chewed up by his bosses for no apparent reason, missing holidays with his loving family, and even something as simple as getting in his car and driving to church to hear the word of GOD. Him and his team (though they are a medical unit) are doing this so I CAN sleep in my warm bed, go to church on Sundays, and not loose any sleep over who's going to bomb my neighborhood.

Today I read a story about a 20 year old soldier who enlisted last year. He lost his life within the small time frame he was in the military fighting for what he thought we needed. His was stationed in Afghanistan in one of the Kandahar divisions. My throat got a little tight when I read that part. My significant other is near KAF, and I hear the thuds & the bumps when I talk to him. We both realize that if it's our time to go it's our time to do. However, I can never imagine the next time I see him it would be in a casket.

There is a lot of people who do not support this war. They think it's senseless, and I agree with them. I don't see the point of this war, but the truth is it's already started. If not this one it would have been another one. Though it may never make sense to us why so many young people are dying, or for that matter why we are fighting this war it's important that we support the people who are involved. They didn't start this war, they are just doing their job. Just like I wake up every morning and sit in traffic so I can spent 8 glorious hours in an office so I can pay my student loans,and my other bills. They too are just doing is what is asked off them. Not only are they providing for their family and loved ones they're providing us with a service. So the next time you see a soldier smile (believe me they need it), shake their hand and thank them for their service regardless of if they are a cook or someone who is front & center (don't tell them how much you hate the war chances are they do too)

To my soldier, and the men and women he works with I know I NEVER say this enough, but THANK YOU for what you do. Each day you are out there not only are you growing as a soldier of the U.S military you are growing as a soldier for the KINGDOM, and despite what the enemy (cough*higherups*cough) is telling you YOU ARE DOING GREAT!!!! I am very proud of you and what you do is a very unselfish deed for people who you have never met, and probably never going to meet.

Today was a typical Saturday morning. I woke up late, laid in my bed, and thought about what it is that I will do to occupy my time, casually browsed facebook to see what news if any was there. I then saw a link to a wedding that was taking place today, and the couple was streaming it live (OMG they took my IDEA!!!!). So I did what any sane, bored person without a plan on  Saturday morning would do. I decided to join in on the matrimonial bliss. Kinda stalkerish I know, but I asked my best friend to watch it with me to take away the stalkish vibe I was getting from myself. So we sat on the phone together and watched the wedding. I thought wow how exciting it must be for her then of course the live stream froze. So I decided to go get myself some food, and while warming up my food I thought "I'm ready for the next chapter of my life" WHOA WHOA WHOA!!! Before you jump the gun and think you will be hearing wedding bells from my end read the rest.

For the past five years my life has pretty much been the same routine. Wake up, classes, homework, WORK, and spending time in my room. You've heard me mention in previous blogs about how much I wanted to get some friends (or maybe not because I may not have published that) BUT it's always been hard for me to get friends for one of many reasons:

1) I'm picky about who I let into my life (Like T.D Jakes said once...when you get to a certain age you are picky about who you let into you life cause you don't have time to waste)
2) Usually people who are excited to meet me when they meet me never really follow up with me afterwards even if I try

Ok those really are my two main reasons, and the rest well....

Any who after seeing that everyone I knew as a teen ager has moved on with their life. Started new families etc I'm really ready for a new leaf. May it be a new career, grad school, new hobby just SOMETHING!!!....ANYTHING.....I'm really tired of the old.....I want some new adventures...new stories....

God can you help me out?

K.P Yohannan said it best when he said ‎"A tiny group of believers who have the gospel keep 
mumbling it over and over to themselves. Meanwhile, millions who have never heard it once fall into the flames of eternal hell without ever hearing the salvation story." 


As I laid in bed last night I thought about all the people I talk "GOD" too, and came to the realization that everyone I share my love for Christ with already knows Christ. Oh how easy it is to marvel about his goodness to people who read the word, and agree with you....BUT....what about the rest? What about my native country where paganism and idol worship takes more than 95% of the population? When will they get to hear me marvel about the goodness of the one true living GOD?


Lately I've been realizing more and more how much I  don't want to stay in my bubble when it comes to talking about Christ. Though it is much easier to do that...what's the fun in it? I must admit I don't think I am (as off right now) strong enough to talk to a Hindu or Muslim. I don't think I have the words, but I hope that one day GOD blesses me with that gift of being able to minister to people outside of my comfort zone. Because when it is all said and done I'm trying to see as many people walk into the kingdom as possible, not just my select circle. 


P.S- I know I haven't delivered my vlog yet.... YIKES! 

Good Monday morning to my all my faithful and humble readers.....okay so that would be no one right now....thank GOD I don't write for others LOL. As I look at the amount of blogs I wrote in 2011 I have to say I expected to write a whole lot more.

So I was laying in my bed last night and I had a brilliant idea!!! which leads to my big announcement today....

*drum rolls*

I see a VLOG coming your way!!!!
YYYYAAAYYYY!!!!!!!!













The reason I am too lazy to type right now has very little to do my decision to VLOG *cough*. I think what I have to say is VLOG worthy,and facial expressions are much needed. So stay tuned my fellow bloggers and or random strangers who has accidentally stumbled upon my rants and writing.

These past couple of days I have been going back to my old entries from my teen age years, and laughing at myself. Why does it seem like I was more a witty writer back then? I  mean I used words I forgot were in my dictionary (HAHAH).

Don't have anything particular to blog about just wanted to get on here and rave about how great a GOD I serve. He is just awesome and I am so thankful for his promises, and reassurance.

Never give up at the first sign of adversity

Wrote this back in 2007 when I was getting to  know who GOD is. I needed the reminder :-)

Have you ever been in a point of your life where everything was calculated and worked out, but out of now where something happens and messes up the whole plan. Life can play some cruel jokes on you, but I'm just here to say dont give up dont give in. Ever heard of the saying God can make a way out of no way? Well the next time you find yourself in a predicament just believe that, because what we as individuals have to understand is that it's just a test. Like any other test we would take while we are in school, except it may be easier to pass this one. Why am I writing this? Well I am at work right now and something tells me some one else needs to hear this just as much as I do. You may feel like you have reached a dead end and you are backed up against a wall with no where to go, but that's far from the truth. You got so much options and blessings you dont even know what to do with it.

When I first moved down to H-Town I had so much issues it wasn't even funny, but I didnt even suspect that moving down here was just the beginning of reforming who I am to who I can be. My first step towards that was couple of months ago when I had reached the end of my ropes I was laying in my bed and said out loud to my ceiling you know what God Imma let you handle this one. I know you'll do the right thing, and for me that was the hard part because I am one of those people who likes to have control over her life, and even though there are times I  have looked back and said "Ummm God are you sure you're doing what you are suppose too"? I know now I no longer need too and guess what it feels great. Knowing that when I wake up early in the morning half of my battles are already fought for I mean I dont know about ya'll but for me thats a huge load off my shoulders.

So here are some key points I want you to leave ya'll with

• 1) The only thing the devil has on you is your PAST..that's it that's alllll he got so STOP LIVING IN IT!!!!
• 2) Don't miss out on your blessings just because its not wrapped up the way you would like for it to be!!!
• 3) IT'S JUST A TEST!!!!! ( he wants to know if you are able to give him what he deserves regardless of what your bank account looks like or your family situation looks like)

Ok guys I gotta get back to work I'll write more later. Have a spectacular rest of the day and Turn that frown upside down!!! afterall you are soooo close to Friday. Umaahhzz if I could I would personally give every person reading this a hug since thats impossible I'll give ya'll a virtual hug so *HUUGGGGGZZZ*

Finding Hope for My Future Despite the Pain of My Past

Author-Renee Swope
Proverbs 31 Ministries

"’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’" Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

"God works all things together for good."

"You were created for a purpose"

"God has a plan for your life."

What do you feel when you read these promises? Do you believe them, or do you sometimes question if they’re true for you?

I’ve doubted, and I’ve believed.

Soon after I surrendered my life to Christ, I started struggling with painful things from my past that made me doubt God’s promises. I wondered: If God loves me, why has He allowed so much pain in my life?

If He loved me, why did God allow my family to be broken by adultery and divorce, shattered by confusion and chaos, shaken by alcohol and drug addictions and so much more? And why didn’t He stop me from the pain I brought on myself, or keep me from the darkness of depression?

One afternoon I got the courage to tell my friend Wanda about my doubts and questions. I remember how she didn’t give me a pat answer, but looked at me with understanding in her eyes and told me she was sorry. Then she told me her story, which included many disappointments and heartbreaks. Yet, I didn’t sense doubt or pain in her words. Instead, I sensed confidence and hope.

Turning the pages of her Bible to Jeremiah 29, Wanda read today’s key verse as a promise to me: "’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the LORD ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’" (v. 11)

She then told me God wanted to heal the pain of my past and use what I’d experienced to pave the way to His plans for my future. But I didn’t want God to use my pain or my past. How would any of it do anything good for anyone, especially me?

Have you ever felt that way or asked: "If God loves me, then why…?"

These are the kind of questions that can linger in our hearts when we’ve been wounded and disappointed. And hurts that aren’t healed can lead to bitterness and bondage. Yet, in the security of a relationship with Jesus, God invites us to ask hard questions and look for answers that usher us into the depths of His redeeming love and healing power.

Can I whisper some hope into your heart today? If you are living and breathing, your purpose has not yet been fulfilled. No matter what you have done or what has been done to you, God does have a plan for your life.

So, how can you discover those plans? Let’s read the premise that follows the promise in Jeremiah 29. After God declares He knows the plans He has for us, He says, "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." (v.12-13)

We find God’s plans when we surrender ours to Him each day. It’s a moment by moment process of coming to Him, talking to Him, believing He listens and letting Him love us into a place of hope and healing.

God’s love is not a quick-fix for our wounds, but it has the power to redeem and restore us into confident hope. When we allow the Holy Spirit poured out like Living water to go deep into our pain, He can heal our hearts from the inside out.

As we process the pain of our yesterdays and live through the disappointments of our todays, doubts may still creep up, threatening to steal our hope. But each time that happens, we can stop and seek God in that place. We can ask Him to show us His purpose by revealing what is true about who we are and what we have been through to make us start doubting.

Then we can ask Him to help us re-define our future, not through the filter of our past and pain, but through the power of His life-giving truth. And do you know what happens when we do that moment by moment, day by day, doubt by doubt? God tells us in Jeremiah 29:14, "I will be found by you…and will bring you back from captivity."

We find Him again and again. We find the One who longs to lead us out of captivity to our doubts into a place of freedom and hope. I know this is true because I have walked it, wrestled with it, resisted it and finally surrendered to it.

God’s love is not only unfailing, it redeems and restores. His Truth cuts to the core of our struggles, bringing purpose to our pain, redemption from our past and hope for our future!

Lord, heal my hurts and give me hope as I learn to trust the plans You have for me. I’m coming to You and seeking You with all my heart today. Please set me free from my doubts and lead me into a place of confident hope. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Social Work for my masters has been brought up again by another individual....I raised my eyebrow and said "Social Work LORD!?" .....What's exciting about that???

To be continued...

Being back on Xanga today helped me realize how much I really liked it for blogging. It's easier to find other bloggers to follow, and you pretty much build a family/community with the people there. Makes me want to go back and take ANY GIVEN SECOND back with me....or start anew....LOL Great !!! Just what I need another blog to keep up with....perhaps I can merge the two.....

Few years back I was visiting my parents church during mothers day weekend, and they did the sermon quite different. A few mothers of the church came up to the pulpit and shared their feelings, and just about being a mother. I sat there bored out of mind, and couldn't believe this is what I drove up for. I don't remember what any of those mothers said except one. She walked up to the pulpit, and started sharing about the younger generations and her concern. She talked about an ad she saw for under garments. The company was advertising bra's that have rhinestones on them, and pretty much gave the message of it's meant to be shown off. She stood there broken, and with tears in her eyes as I sat there arms folded thinking "really?? are you serious? You're talking about bra's? Ok so what if a bra has rhinestones on it or if anyone see's it??" Of course the advertisement was more about showing it off on purpose rather than by accident. I went to lunch with my mother and talked about how boring the whole service was.

But yesterday it hit me....the same sadness she must have felt when she saw where this generation and our young girls were headed too. I looked at a picture of my friend surrounded by two other female friends all with pregnant bellies stared back at me. From what I could tell all of them were single, unwed mothers. I thought "WOW I can't believe it has become so common for so many young ladies to become mothers at such a young age especially out of wed lock". It actually hurt me just a little bit. My mind drifted back to that mother's day weekend when I sat at church bored out of mind, and I thought "wow she must have gotten a glimpse of what that would lead too". It's crazy to think society starts with some thing small like....
"Oh it's ok to do this or wear this" then from that something small and innocent they birth something larger. All of the sudden society says "Oh it's okay to fornicate...I mean who really waits these days?" "Oh it's ok to dress provocative" "It's ok to be a lukewarm Christian...I mean all those so called radicals are so super religious they don't even have a real life". Everyday in society we hear "It's OK...it's ok...IT'S OK"

Well I am here to say "It's NOT ok". Yes God loves us, yes he wants us to have the best, and be our best, but that comes with the big print of "when you obey the commandments of GOD". We especially as Christians, can't keep re-paving the way to the narrow road that leads to Christ. It seems as if every time I turn around some one is trying to modify the route to make it a little bit more easier.

Our little girls should be little girls, not mothers or girls that dress like men. Our boys should be boys playing with toy soldiers and traveling to outter space in their rocket ship....not thugs, gangsta's, teen age fathers, statistic, and definitely NOT boy's who act like they can't hold their palms up straight. Can we go to back to then?

Out of no where this morning I thought about an old blog I wrote years back. I knew it was something meaningful, but I couldn't remember for the life of me what it was about. So I decided to track it down, and went on my blog from 7 years ago. As I read through some of them I couldn't help but shake my head, and laugh at myself. I came across one particular blog where I was talking about an old friend of mine, and our good times together. I'm not going to lie it made me reminisce a bit, and think maybe a legit friendship is still possible between us. I thought we had good times, and we laughed over silly things, maybe we can still have some sort of laughable moments. So I went on facebook, and started typing their name just to say "hey I'm just checking upon you". As soon as I clicked on their name I realized why we never could as tight as I once thought we were. We grew up and grew out. I wanted to move forward, and make moves and this person was comfortable in their lukewarm ways. Plastered on this person's wall was a pic of their pic with their mother getting wasted. For a minute I felt sad for this person, because the only way they could connect with a parent had to be this way after years of rocky relationship between them.

As I stared at their pic with a bit of sadness I finally had a true realization of why we could never be that kind of friends again. I understood GOD's move in taking this person away from my life. As great of a time we had when we had it...it had to be left behind, because at that point in life we were somewhat on the same page of being babes in Christ, but this person decided that they wanted to continue being a babe. This person didn't want accountability....wanted to be a hearer and not a do-er of the word of GOD. This person just wanted to say I go to church because I'm a Christian, but never lead up the lifestyle that came with it. All of the sudden re-kindling a friendship wasn't as important as it was when I first read my old blog. However, I continue to pray for them....and all others like them. I hope and pray that one day they get a true realization of who GOD is and to be on fire for him instead of being lukewarm.

The hardest times of waiting....

I sat at my co-workers desk and stared a stack of business cards. I reviewed each and everyone of them to see if they are in our system. As I got closer to the end of the pile I saw a name that was familiar. I met Monica when I was just a newbie to aviation planning, and doing my very first internship. Since then I have gone onto be with two different local firms, and Monica left for California to be closer to her husband.

As I stared at her name it stirred up something in me to examine my life in the recent years. I realized that even though Monica left a great job here in the city to move to California she went there and got herself another great job in the same field. She knew exactly what it is that she wanted, and where she wanted to be. It got me thinking about my own dreams, and I realized somewhere along the line I lost it. I often get emails from people asking me what it is that I want to do....a 5 year plan....a 10 year plan, and I can't even provide them with a one week plan except SURVIVAL. When I am job searching I don't even know what to put in as my keywords to search.

Ten years ago I thought I had it all figured out. Go to school, become a pilot, graduate college by the time I was twenty, and have a great job with a top airline by the time I am 25. Flying was all I knew....I knew that's what I wanted to do....but somewhere along the journey of college the fire started to dim a little by little. 98% of the time I am just glad to have made it in life. I didn't end up a statistic. I put myself through college, and with the GRACE of GOD have made it this far in life. Then there is that 2% on days like this that realizes that I am 25 years old, and I have no plans...no direction.....no steady job...., passion is here nor there. and def not an airline job flying all over the world.

Maybe it's the fact that I don't even have a direction or an idea of a direction in which I want to go in. If I knew of this is the path I want to go in or this is where I see myself then the misery of how I feel right now would be eased, but I have zero clue. So when my parents ask me what my plans are for a masters program  I mumble some answer that will keep them off my case for a while. When people ask me how my job search is going I don't know how to tell them I don't even know where to begin my search. Or maybe the fact of knowing that I am 25 and I am still living with my parents would slightly diminish if I had a clue and soon won't be imposing on their lives. 

Should I say c'est la vie!? Sleep it off and hope for a better tomorrow......I think so...because life goes on.