My Ideal Job

Recently I have been addicted to everything HGTV. I mean I watch episodes after episodes of House Hunters, and Property Brothers etc. Every time I watch a renovation I can't help but think "WOW that would be a great job to have". Granted this is a bit odd for a female I love renovations. I've always enjoyed putting together things, and figuring out how things work. So I put together a list of things I would like my ideal job to look like:

Renovation
Photography
Writing (NOT TECHNICAL!!!)
Helping others
Traveling

You know in that progressive commercial there is a bundler?? You place a bunch of items together and it bundles it all up for you....can I have one of those for my career???

Are you ready for Hell?

We recently commemorated the 10 year anniversary of September 11. People from near and far poured out their stories and sentiments. I have on many occasions tried to imagine myself on one of those planes or even one of those buildings that burned down. I have wondered "would I have jumped?" "would I have been one of the people that survived to tell about it?" "would I have passed out?". I remember on the day off I spoke with a friend about burn victims. The different levels of burn from 1st degree to 3rd degree, and recently in church we've been talking a lot of the current situation of this nation.

As I was driving home the conversation I had about the burn victims kind of came back to me,and I came home and started doing some research. I searched a few sites to see how hot it would have been inside the WTC when it was burning. I couldn't pin point the exact degree in Celsius as each website had their own P.O.V on how hot it may have been. I got anywhere from 200 to 1000 and then some even higher.

Going back to the conversation of a burn victim, my friend explained in detail the different types of burns. It made me cringe listening to it. I mean can you imagine it? First your top layer of skin melts followed by a deeper burn all the way through to your flesh, and bones. If you are lucky you can pass out from smoke inhalation or shock. Then a bigger truth hit me....that's exactly what hell is going to be like...being burned every single day, every single moment of your life. This time you can't pass out or jump you have to endure it each and every single time. It really got me thinking "Are people really ready for hell?" If you don't think you could have handled being inside the WTC on the day of the attacks are you willing to risk living through that every single day of your life? Is a moment of worldly pleasure truly worth a lifetime of that?

Forgive so you can be forgiven

Last week while reading  up for my next Bible Study, I came across the chapter on forgiveness. I learned more about the importance of forgiveness within 30 minutes than I have known my whole life. I kept examining my life to see if there was anyone in my life that I have no forgiven. I kept thinking of people who have recently hurt me, and when I thought about I did not feel any resentment, however the idea of talking to them was a bit more harder. I kept thinking OMG I have to talk to them in order to gain forgiveness. So to get a deeper depth into if I am harboring un-forgiveness I spoke with my pastors wife. I asked her "is it possible to forgive someone, but not talk to them". To my surprise she said "yes" , which completely caught me off guard. She started to share a story with me about a dear friend of hers who she loved with her heart, but she was burned by this person way too many times. She went on to say how if she was around this person that this particular person will jack up her spirit. She started explaining to me saying that you can forgive people, but that doesn't mean they are necessarily good for your life or your spirit.

So here I am laying in my bed, and thinking off all the people we still allow to come into our lives, and jack up our spirits because we think in order to get in "good with GOD" we have to tolerate certain folks. Hmmmmm.....that's all I got folks....not a long entry....just an observation....

My sentiments vs My Ministry- What's the difference?

Couple of weeks ago my Houston mom said during Bible Study "People often stick around with others due to sentiments or memories". I raised my indivisible "GUILTY AS CHARGED" flag when she said that. So here I am weeks later, sitting in my closet (yes my CLOSET!!! It's the least distracting place in my room to do devotions. The most damage I could do in there is clean it up, and that is a damage I am willing to accept) reading the book of Matthew. I came across the story of the birth of Christ. Of course everyone and their mama has heard about the birth of Christ, and if they haven't YIKES!!! Peace be with you!. Any who, I was reading the part when the angel appeared to Joseph, and told him to pack and move to Egypt until it was safe. So Mary and Joseph did just that, in the middle of the night the new mom packed up everything, and traveled to Egypt. According to timeanddate.com that is roughly 264 miles on your handy dandy donkey. Can't you just imagine how full of joy that trip would be. There's you, a brand new mother who probably have not received much rest, then there is the baby, whom you must take care off, and your luxury ride THE DONKEY...hhhaaayyyy!!! let's do this!!! Ummm not so quick. I am all for sacrifices, but I am not sure if I would have been down for that trip as a brand new mom. Then she had the great pleasure of doing it again from Egypt to Nazareth (Israel). The point I am trying to make in all of this is that many can say Mary made a lot of sacrifices to make sure that her baby was kept alive. Of course most mothers do this for her children. 


Fast forward to a few decades, and in Mark chapter 3 there is a scene where Jesus offends his own mother while doing his ministry. 

Jesus Accused by His Family and by Teachers of the Law

 ²⁰ Then Jesus entered a house, and again a crowd gathered, so that he and his disciples were not even able to eat. ²¹ When his family^[b] heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, “He is out of his mind.”

 ³¹ Then Jesus’ mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone in to call him. ³² A crowd was sitting around him, and they told him, “Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you.”

   ³³ “Who are my mother and my brothers?” he asked.

 ³⁴ Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! ³⁵ Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.”

Christ knew what his ministry should all be about. He knew plenty would be offended even those close to him, but he also knew he came there for a purpose, a plan, and at any cost he must fulfill it. At no time in this passage do we see Jesus pausing for a minute and saying "hmmm I remember when I was a baby my parents took me all the way to Egypt and back on a donkey. She (Mary) suffered so much for me. I just want to be nice to her. I don't want to hurt her feelings, and I don't want people going up to her door saying what a crazy kid she has. I want her to have a good reputation here". He knew he had to say what he had to say because it was truth and people needed to hear it. 


As I read this chapter, and I visualized Joseph and Mary's journey my "GUILTY AS CHARGED" flags went up again. Then revelation hit....Mary's purpose in her lifetime was to give birth to the Messiah. She was God's chosen vessel for this task, and she did just that. She did what any mother should do, and would do. It was the Messiah's job to bring truth and light into a world that was dying, and full of legalism. 


All of us are placed here with a plan and purpose, but often time we let our memories from our past,and sentiments hold us off from moving forward. We stay in relationships that does not progress, we stay with friends who has been there since kindergarten, and even though you know GOD is calling you to move forward the idea of leaving them and the memories is too much to bear. Christ said "I must be about my father's business"  Luke 14: 26 states “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. 27 And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.


It's great to have memories, and it's great to have sentiments, it is great to love others, but are those things stopping you from your purpose. As I read this chapter I honestly started thinking about the times I put aside things time and time again for my family. Not because I agreed with what was going on, but out of pure sentiments about the "sacrifices" they have made for me once up on a time in a land far far away. There were times I said "I will not do this" only to turn around and do the exact same thing because I had a flash back of a sleepless night they had to endure because of me. But I never thought what if their sole purpose was to endure nights like that and go through some things. Because if they  had not gone through what they had went through then I wouldn't be here today, to tell people my story. 


Can you differentiate between your sentiments/memories and your call? Or like me is it all tangled together?

At the end of myself

This Sunday after church I had the pleasure of sitting down and talking to someone who pretty much does mission work for a living. I have always had a fascination with working in the field, but wanted to do it ALL for the right reasons. I feel as thought often time people get into doing GOD's work for their glory and actually not for GOD. I had strong feelings against that. So we left the conversation at keep praying on it, and see where GOD leads you. As I drove back home I couldn't help but get a bit emotional about my conversation with George. He talked about coming to the end of yourself, completely giving up who you are, and living for Christ. I asked myself a few easy and hard questions like

"Are you willing to give up something as simple as starbucks?"
"How about those manicures and pedicures?"
"How about the life you planned out for yourself?"

The last question is what made me stop dead in my tracks. The AMERICAN DREAM.....A nice house, nothing too fancy or overwhelming, but an actual home. The career that I've been dreaming off since I knew what a career meant, the husband, the kids, Disneyland....the great American dream dangled before me and I did not know the answer. The Bible says that the reward in heaven is much greater than anything I could fathom here on Earth, but is my flesh willing to let go off the American Dream, and truly come to the end of myself and become all for the cross. I realize that if I chose to go that route that my kids (should I be blessed with any) may not have the best education. They might have to attend a school somewhere in a 3rd world country. They may never experience any of the luxuries that I wanted them to have because mommie didn't have it. Then I took the kids out of the equation and asked myself "Are you willing to let go of your plans?" The house you want for yourself, the career with the nice paycheck?, all the things you thought your life should be.

I have to say my eyes filled up with tear as a popular gospel song played in my mind

I Give Myself Away- William McDowell

There is a particular part in the song that says "My life is not my own To you I belong I give myself, I give myself to you"

I wondered at that moment  how many people under stood the strength (for lack of a better word at the moment) of those words. I wondered how many people actually meant it. I wondered how many people are willing to give up their dreams to take up the cross.

Growing.......growing....GROWN!?

It's funny to think that when I was 18 I thought I was the epitome of what growth and maturity was. Don't get me wrong I did have more responsibilities that you average 18 year old cub, but to look at where I am and where I've been it's almost a chuckle chuckle knee slap moment. This is a continuation of my previous entry.

Growth is one of the most exhilarating, annoying, take me out of my comfort zone things in the world. Another spiritual snap shot moment brought to you by Prayer, reading the word of GOD, and moments of growth.

Yesterday I spent almost two hours on the phone with someone who went over my resume with me. Now not only did he go over it he emailed it to colleagues all over the nation that ripped it apart, and crushed my little bubbly soul. As he was talking to me I started thinking things like maybe I'm just not cut out for the real world. Maybe I should just settle for some job somewhere. I don't know what I want out of life. Maybe I'm supposed to be a housewife somewhere cause corporate world has given me the boot since last year. Along with the snow ball effect that occurs from such thoughts I even thought maybe I should just leave TEXAS. I never really liked this state anyways (not true by the way I do like this state just not Satan's breathe that's being blown on us daily with triple digit weather)

Needless to say I had a moment of epiphany. I told myself "Now self...you know God has placed you here for reason. As much as I hate heavily dislike living paycheck to paycheck, not having much direction in life, and wanting to move away I finally realize I have an assignment here." I have tried on many occasion to move forward. When I really think about it the fact that I know the people I know if they wanted to they could pull a few strings and get me back in the corporate world without a big problem. The truth is no matter how hard I pushed forward I didn't move forward.....I stood still...why? Because I have not opened up my eyes to see why GOD has placed me here, and it would be a shame to keep pushing and pushing, and finally GOD releases me to go somewhere else only to realize I have to go through every thing I went through again because I wasn't sensitive enough to know when and what GOD was trying to do.Now you see this is a pretty big deal, so that means every time I feel the need to pack my bags and run in the opposite direction I get to ask myself "Is GOD moving you or are you moving yourself?" and "Do you feel like you have done what it is that you need to do?". Now instead of looking at my current situation as "I'll catch the first train out of town" I have the opportunity to approach it with maturity (LOL), and open up my inner eyes to see which task I need to take care off, before I chunk up the dueces.

Growth.....it's such a funny thing, but be careful what you wish for when you ask GOD for things...

Spiritual Snap Shots

So the other day as I often do I was browsing through my older profile pictures on facebook. I like to see the changes that has taken place, to think what I was feeling that moment, and just to see how much I have changed or if any changes have taken place. As I browsed through the pictures I stopped and looked at one particular picture. I’ve seen this picture so many times I’ve lost count. I’ve read and re-read the comments and laughed or smiled accordingly, but this time I looked at the picture and realized how much my hair has grown since that picture was taken (9 months prior). The funny thing is I’ve been determined to grow my hair out as much as possible, but after a while I stopped seeing results. I told myself that my hair is incapable of growing past a certain point. When I looked in the mirror daily my hair had not made much progress since that picture. But in all honesty my hair has grown out far more than I knew, but since I was always looking at it every day I didn’t see change, and the change wasn’t as fast as I had anticipated. It got me thinking about two of my dear friends who quite often tell me how much I have grown in Christ, and how much I continue to grow. But through my eyes I felt like since I was truly saved I haven’t made that much progress, and it often takes a toll on me because serving Christ and growing in him means so much to me. When they tell me this I see it here and there, but most times I think they’re smoking crack. But after seeing my profile pictures today I have realized I have grown I just don’t see it, because I have a goal and where I think I SHOULD be and then there is the reality of where I actually AM. That doesn’t mean I haven’t grown in Christ…I mean I would have to pass that stage to get to where I think I SHOULD be right? I mean my hair can’t go from a bob too long and flowing over night (unless weave/extension is involved). Just like that I can’t come into the Kingdom and expect to be where someone of 25 years has been over night. It takes times and patience, and most important of it all it takes commitment. So I told myself I should take snap shots of my Spiritual growth!!, but seeing as that is nearly impossible to photograph where I am spiritually I should start writing more about where I am in life. Cause in all honesty if GOD gave me some of the trials I’ve been enduring these past couple of months I would not have been able handle it with such GRACE…..or GRACE period back then LOL!!! I would have not have been able to say such things as “ I know I wake up every morning with the will to move on because GOD is on my side, and tomorrow will be better, and he won’t give me more than I can handle”

Well there’s my spiritual journal/snap shot….let’s see how many changes take place..