For Every Mountain....

Most often we walk around with scares of hurt like badges. We want people to see it, we want people to know someone hurt us, we’ve been dropped and we live in self pity. Hey been there done that probably have a few t-shirts to prove my visit, but let’s stop for a minute and reverse how we deal with hurt. Instead of looking at hurt like a fresh never healing wound let’s look at hurt as an opportunity for growth.

Let’s turn around, and let’s look at everyone that’s hurt us in the past. Mom, dad, family member, the supposed love of your life, the friend that was never supposed to drop you, the preacher that led a double life. Now just smile at them and wave and say “THANK YOU”. Thank you for dropping me not once but over and over again because each time you dropped me you showed me who was there to pick me up. You taught me who and what was worth having in my life, and when no one was around and you dropped me you gave me the will to fight my way back up.

The situation doesn't seem so bad now that it has been looked at an opportunity instead of a handicap now does it?

Enlarge my territory....

In life our goal is to progress. While progressing we obtain certain things to show our progression. As I sat around and thought one question that really hit me hard was "How can God enlarge your territory if you can't even take care of what you have now?". I looked around the pile of mess in my room and was embarrassed. Granted I've been pulling long hours at work it was not a reason for me not to put my shoes back up, straighten my closet out, and put my clothes back on the hanger. The worse part to it all every time I go into my closet I'm troubled with hmmmm what am I going to wear today. In the past couple of weeks I had to be taught that territory isn't just handed to me and that I have to show responsibility for what's already been given unto me. It's a hard adjustment I must say. As soon as come back from work it's easier to throw my clothes on my bed and say I'll hang it up in a few minutes, which turns into a few hours which eventually turns into a few days. So it started with me cleaning my room out, throwing away paper work that I didn't even need and putting my clothes back up on the hanger and putting it in my closet the same with my shoes. Again not an easy task....but I'm willing to do what it takes to enlarge what's been promised...and to show my responsibility...

The Prodigal

All of us at one point or another have heard the story of the prodigal son. As far as I was concerned it was always a story to me...never did I look into any deeper than that. Last year I went through a phase of "God why not me...I've been here waiting...asking...but it seems like you've skipped me over, and you gave it to the newbie" While driving one evening on 59 headed home probably still wondering why I got skipped over God kindly reminded me the story of the Prodigal Son. He told me Juby you're right you've been here, and you have been asking for things, but the the truth is the newbies went and sold everything they had, but now they are finally back and I'm just celebrating that. He then kindly reminded me what the son who never left still had. He still had his land....his rights...everything his father gave him, while the prodigal son who had the exact same thing went and lost it all. At that moment all I could do was laugh at my own foolishness and thank God for yet again opening my eyes to see things from his perspective.

So rejoice when your brother or sister comes back and if they seem to be getting a bit more attention that you just realize Dad's just happy to see them back, and you still have everything he has given you ;-)

God in the little things

One of my more favorite things these days in life is to analyze my life. In doing so I have come to the conclusion that I am so many steps behind pretty much a whole lot of people, yet here I am...exactly where I need to be. I was at the airport today trying to get my security clearance and before I could even turn my paperwork in they told me two things that stopped me from proceeding forward. I was already late getting to the airport, and they tell me my boss needs to initial ONE box and that the 2nd form of identification must be my passport. I can't argue with airport safety and security, after placing about three calls I got the initial part of it taken care off, now in order to get my passport I had to drive back home which mind you is about 50 miles roughly.

I walked out in the heat and paid for parking and made the drive back home, and grabbed my passport put some gas in my car and drove back to the airport. When I got the interns for our company from last summer was still sitting there (it took me about 2hrs to do my running around). I had already expected them to be back in the office so I was quite surprised to see them there. I spoke with them and asked them why they were still there and turns out one of the interns forgot her SS card, and had to have her mom meet her half way. If they were still there I was knew I was in for a long haul. As I sat down texting friends, facebooking, and reading signs around me I noticed the hours of operations was from 6:30 to 2:00PM. I also saw that if you are getting a brand new badge 1:00 PM was the last slot for it. I looked at my phone and saw that it was a few minutes past one, but when I looked at the paperwork I noticed they didn't stamp it till about 1:02 (one thing I've learned about the gov't is that they are very anal about things). Thankfully the man saw me standing in line and knew I had came in before 1:00PM and I was the last new application they took in for the day (YAY). I got called up again to initial some paperwork,and take a brief quiz on airport security got my number and sat down.

One thing my boss told they are notorious for making you wait but thankfully I had Emmanuel to keep me laughing throughout the whole process about school, baby momma drama etc etc. A lady FINALLY came up and took mine and the other interns paperwork which was proceeded by more waiting. In the middle of transferring funds on the phone and texting the lady calls my name. At this point I'm thinking I'm still behind the intern since she's been here so much longer. She looks over my paperwork and tells me to stand in frot of her camera...she and I shared a few laughs because I stepped back so far she couldn't even see me on her screen. Afterwards she told me go wash my hands so I can be fingerprinted....after washing my hands I waited another 10 minutes and the lady called me up to get my finger prints. After they got all my fingers she says "that's all today when you're badge is ready you're company will let you know come back with the same identification you used today". I thank her and walk out to the garage...I'm praying that my car will start ( I thought my alternator was messed up but turns out I need a new starter) and YAY it started...whew what a relief...

I start driving rather absent mindfully not really noticing for traffic. I just had so many questions floating around in my head...thankfully I didn't hit anyone once I got on the freeway I started thinking about how weird is it that I went through all of the things I went through from about 10 am to 2:15 PM trying to get my badge stuff done,and I still got out before the girls who have been there half an hour to an hour before me. Then it occurred to me this is my life story....it's always that way, I'm never where I should be when I want to be but when I need to be,and God always provides a way for me to come out even if someone else may seem to have the home team advantage. Then I realized that God shows us every day how he works in our life in the little things, and that we need to see God in the little things, and appreciate it. All those little things could just add up to the big picture, but if we don't see him for who he is in the small matters we might be disappointed with the latter product.

My Very First T.D.Jakes Encounter

I woke up Sunday morning with no peace in my heart. I felt raw emotions tugging at my heart and driving my head absolutely crazy, and if I could shut out my brain for just a few more minutes that would have been ideal. I tossed and turned in my bed hoping to go back to sleep. The conversation I had the night before started hitting me like bricks. Every word was there, which raised so many question marks. Then there was all the other questions...what about this...what about that? I forced myself off the bed into the shower, where my emotions got the best of me. I wasn't sure what God was doing with me. It seems like he's been processing me for a long time, but I felt as if this process should be over, and I should have some answer to the questions. As I stood in the bathroom feeling lost a voice inside my head said "why don't you go listen to T.D.Jakes today?". I went back and forth with the idea. I haven't been to my own church in 2 weeks, but at the same time it would be a nice change of phase to go somewhere closer by because I wasn't sure if I could even make it out to my church, and it would be closer to the restaurant I had made lunch plans at. I decided against it, and started to prepare myself. Then I thought okay if my sister doesn't go with me I'll go...so I text her and she told me she was coming to church. I told her about T.D. Jakes and she asked me "Well do you wanna go?". So and hour and thirty minutes before church was supposed to start we both decided to and see Bishop. Jakes. As expected the place was packed out more so than usual, and I knew any hopes of getting a seat at the bottom level was good as gone. So we weaved our way through the crowds of people, and found two chairs. I wasn't the most excited person to be there...a bit worn out from everything that has been going on, and trying to find the pieces to the puzzle.

Praise and worship started a little after 11:00 am, and I felt a bit out of zone...I felt like I was at a concert, and I thought about all the things I could blog about (wrong I know). I finally got myself together and tried my best to get into the grove of things. During one of the songs the Pastor and his wife came up and said a few words, and the minute they opened their mouth it was like God was telling them what he would have told me if I knew how to listen. Of course me being the hyperactive, why wasn't this done yesterday, lets go go go kinda person I find it hard to sometime be still. I should point out that I am the biggest cry baby at church I don't know what it is but everytime I am at church I am overwhelmed by these feelings, so when he started speaking I had to do everything in my power to keep tears from flowing. I was so happy when they got off the stage and praise and worship continued. After what seemed like a more than brief introduction Bishop Jakes walked up the stage he took care of some house keeping details, and I anxiously awaited what he had to say. Is there really a reason I'm here? Was I just being lazy and saving myself that drive or did that voice mean something when it said "go listen to Bishop Jakes". He answered my question rather quickly "I believe this is a destined meeting"....ok thanks for that God appreciate such a quick response. I sat there and listened to him and he during his sermon he says "I don't know who I'm preaching too". I'm sure many people felt he was talking to them, but I knew for sure he was talking to this girl who has been feeling like the rest of the world could never understand what has been going down in her life. Each day a struggle, each step heavy, each question unanswered. I kept blinking my eyes heavily to keep the tears from flowing and I am proud to say I was very successful. It felt good not to be forgotten. I remember clearly asking God before I went to sleep Saturday night "God please don't forget about me", and its like he was telling me don't worry I got you baby girl!!!

Another amazing thing about my first encounter, for years I've been telling my friends "The same God that brought you through in the past is the same God you serve now and he will bring you through this" I've never had anyone tell me this, but as destiny would have it Bishop Jakes said that exact thing to me. It made me gasp a bit to have the same words that came out of my mouth time and time again was being repeated back to me by an absolute stranger.....

I have lost count of how many blogs I have, ok not really this is my 4th, but saying I've lost count gave me a mysterious vibe I was going for...I've been a xanga girl since the age of 17, so I'm a newbie to blogger, but life is about trying new things so here I am. One of the main reasons I started this blog was because I got tired of posting my thoughts as notes on facebook....so stay tuned bloggers...I could blow you're mind away any given second....