My sentiments vs My Ministry- What's the difference?

Couple of weeks ago my Houston mom said during Bible Study "People often stick around with others due to sentiments or memories". I raised my indivisible "GUILTY AS CHARGED" flag when she said that. So here I am weeks later, sitting in my closet (yes my CLOSET!!! It's the least distracting place in my room to do devotions. The most damage I could do in there is clean it up, and that is a damage I am willing to accept) reading the book of Matthew. I came across the story of the birth of Christ. Of course everyone and their mama has heard about the birth of Christ, and if they haven't YIKES!!! Peace be with you!. Any who, I was reading the part when the angel appeared to Joseph, and told him to pack and move to Egypt until it was safe. So Mary and Joseph did just that, in the middle of the night the new mom packed up everything, and traveled to Egypt. According to timeanddate.com that is roughly 264 miles on your handy dandy donkey. Can't you just imagine how full of joy that trip would be. There's you, a brand new mother who probably have not received much rest, then there is the baby, whom you must take care off, and your luxury ride THE DONKEY...hhhaaayyyy!!! let's do this!!! Ummm not so quick. I am all for sacrifices, but I am not sure if I would have been down for that trip as a brand new mom. Then she had the great pleasure of doing it again from Egypt to Nazareth (Israel). The point I am trying to make in all of this is that many can say Mary made a lot of sacrifices to make sure that her baby was kept alive. Of course most mothers do this for her children. 


Fast forward to a few decades, and in Mark chapter 3 there is a scene where Jesus offends his own mother while doing his ministry. 

Jesus Accused by His Family and by Teachers of the Law

 ²⁰ Then Jesus entered a house, and again a crowd gathered, so that he and his disciples were not even able to eat. ²¹ When his family^[b] heard about this, they went to take charge of him, for they said, “He is out of his mind.”

 ³¹ Then Jesus’ mother and brothers arrived. Standing outside, they sent someone in to call him. ³² A crowd was sitting around him, and they told him, “Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you.”

   ³³ “Who are my mother and my brothers?” he asked.

 ³⁴ Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! ³⁵ Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.”

Christ knew what his ministry should all be about. He knew plenty would be offended even those close to him, but he also knew he came there for a purpose, a plan, and at any cost he must fulfill it. At no time in this passage do we see Jesus pausing for a minute and saying "hmmm I remember when I was a baby my parents took me all the way to Egypt and back on a donkey. She (Mary) suffered so much for me. I just want to be nice to her. I don't want to hurt her feelings, and I don't want people going up to her door saying what a crazy kid she has. I want her to have a good reputation here". He knew he had to say what he had to say because it was truth and people needed to hear it. 


As I read this chapter, and I visualized Joseph and Mary's journey my "GUILTY AS CHARGED" flags went up again. Then revelation hit....Mary's purpose in her lifetime was to give birth to the Messiah. She was God's chosen vessel for this task, and she did just that. She did what any mother should do, and would do. It was the Messiah's job to bring truth and light into a world that was dying, and full of legalism. 


All of us are placed here with a plan and purpose, but often time we let our memories from our past,and sentiments hold us off from moving forward. We stay in relationships that does not progress, we stay with friends who has been there since kindergarten, and even though you know GOD is calling you to move forward the idea of leaving them and the memories is too much to bear. Christ said "I must be about my father's business"  Luke 14: 26 states “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple. 27 And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.


It's great to have memories, and it's great to have sentiments, it is great to love others, but are those things stopping you from your purpose. As I read this chapter I honestly started thinking about the times I put aside things time and time again for my family. Not because I agreed with what was going on, but out of pure sentiments about the "sacrifices" they have made for me once up on a time in a land far far away. There were times I said "I will not do this" only to turn around and do the exact same thing because I had a flash back of a sleepless night they had to endure because of me. But I never thought what if their sole purpose was to endure nights like that and go through some things. Because if they  had not gone through what they had went through then I wouldn't be here today, to tell people my story. 


Can you differentiate between your sentiments/memories and your call? Or like me is it all tangled together?

At the end of myself

This Sunday after church I had the pleasure of sitting down and talking to someone who pretty much does mission work for a living. I have always had a fascination with working in the field, but wanted to do it ALL for the right reasons. I feel as thought often time people get into doing GOD's work for their glory and actually not for GOD. I had strong feelings against that. So we left the conversation at keep praying on it, and see where GOD leads you. As I drove back home I couldn't help but get a bit emotional about my conversation with George. He talked about coming to the end of yourself, completely giving up who you are, and living for Christ. I asked myself a few easy and hard questions like

"Are you willing to give up something as simple as starbucks?"
"How about those manicures and pedicures?"
"How about the life you planned out for yourself?"

The last question is what made me stop dead in my tracks. The AMERICAN DREAM.....A nice house, nothing too fancy or overwhelming, but an actual home. The career that I've been dreaming off since I knew what a career meant, the husband, the kids, Disneyland....the great American dream dangled before me and I did not know the answer. The Bible says that the reward in heaven is much greater than anything I could fathom here on Earth, but is my flesh willing to let go off the American Dream, and truly come to the end of myself and become all for the cross. I realize that if I chose to go that route that my kids (should I be blessed with any) may not have the best education. They might have to attend a school somewhere in a 3rd world country. They may never experience any of the luxuries that I wanted them to have because mommie didn't have it. Then I took the kids out of the equation and asked myself "Are you willing to let go of your plans?" The house you want for yourself, the career with the nice paycheck?, all the things you thought your life should be.

I have to say my eyes filled up with tear as a popular gospel song played in my mind

I Give Myself Away- William McDowell

There is a particular part in the song that says "My life is not my own To you I belong I give myself, I give myself to you"

I wondered at that moment  how many people under stood the strength (for lack of a better word at the moment) of those words. I wondered how many people actually meant it. I wondered how many people are willing to give up their dreams to take up the cross.

Growing.......growing....GROWN!?

It's funny to think that when I was 18 I thought I was the epitome of what growth and maturity was. Don't get me wrong I did have more responsibilities that you average 18 year old cub, but to look at where I am and where I've been it's almost a chuckle chuckle knee slap moment. This is a continuation of my previous entry.

Growth is one of the most exhilarating, annoying, take me out of my comfort zone things in the world. Another spiritual snap shot moment brought to you by Prayer, reading the word of GOD, and moments of growth.

Yesterday I spent almost two hours on the phone with someone who went over my resume with me. Now not only did he go over it he emailed it to colleagues all over the nation that ripped it apart, and crushed my little bubbly soul. As he was talking to me I started thinking things like maybe I'm just not cut out for the real world. Maybe I should just settle for some job somewhere. I don't know what I want out of life. Maybe I'm supposed to be a housewife somewhere cause corporate world has given me the boot since last year. Along with the snow ball effect that occurs from such thoughts I even thought maybe I should just leave TEXAS. I never really liked this state anyways (not true by the way I do like this state just not Satan's breathe that's being blown on us daily with triple digit weather)

Needless to say I had a moment of epiphany. I told myself "Now self...you know God has placed you here for reason. As much as I hate heavily dislike living paycheck to paycheck, not having much direction in life, and wanting to move away I finally realize I have an assignment here." I have tried on many occasion to move forward. When I really think about it the fact that I know the people I know if they wanted to they could pull a few strings and get me back in the corporate world without a big problem. The truth is no matter how hard I pushed forward I didn't move forward.....I stood still...why? Because I have not opened up my eyes to see why GOD has placed me here, and it would be a shame to keep pushing and pushing, and finally GOD releases me to go somewhere else only to realize I have to go through every thing I went through again because I wasn't sensitive enough to know when and what GOD was trying to do.Now you see this is a pretty big deal, so that means every time I feel the need to pack my bags and run in the opposite direction I get to ask myself "Is GOD moving you or are you moving yourself?" and "Do you feel like you have done what it is that you need to do?". Now instead of looking at my current situation as "I'll catch the first train out of town" I have the opportunity to approach it with maturity (LOL), and open up my inner eyes to see which task I need to take care off, before I chunk up the dueces.

Growth.....it's such a funny thing, but be careful what you wish for when you ask GOD for things...

Spiritual Snap Shots

So the other day as I often do I was browsing through my older profile pictures on facebook. I like to see the changes that has taken place, to think what I was feeling that moment, and just to see how much I have changed or if any changes have taken place. As I browsed through the pictures I stopped and looked at one particular picture. I’ve seen this picture so many times I’ve lost count. I’ve read and re-read the comments and laughed or smiled accordingly, but this time I looked at the picture and realized how much my hair has grown since that picture was taken (9 months prior). The funny thing is I’ve been determined to grow my hair out as much as possible, but after a while I stopped seeing results. I told myself that my hair is incapable of growing past a certain point. When I looked in the mirror daily my hair had not made much progress since that picture. But in all honesty my hair has grown out far more than I knew, but since I was always looking at it every day I didn’t see change, and the change wasn’t as fast as I had anticipated. It got me thinking about two of my dear friends who quite often tell me how much I have grown in Christ, and how much I continue to grow. But through my eyes I felt like since I was truly saved I haven’t made that much progress, and it often takes a toll on me because serving Christ and growing in him means so much to me. When they tell me this I see it here and there, but most times I think they’re smoking crack. But after seeing my profile pictures today I have realized I have grown I just don’t see it, because I have a goal and where I think I SHOULD be and then there is the reality of where I actually AM. That doesn’t mean I haven’t grown in Christ…I mean I would have to pass that stage to get to where I think I SHOULD be right? I mean my hair can’t go from a bob too long and flowing over night (unless weave/extension is involved). Just like that I can’t come into the Kingdom and expect to be where someone of 25 years has been over night. It takes times and patience, and most important of it all it takes commitment. So I told myself I should take snap shots of my Spiritual growth!!, but seeing as that is nearly impossible to photograph where I am spiritually I should start writing more about where I am in life. Cause in all honesty if GOD gave me some of the trials I’ve been enduring these past couple of months I would not have been able handle it with such GRACE…..or GRACE period back then LOL!!! I would have not have been able to say such things as “ I know I wake up every morning with the will to move on because GOD is on my side, and tomorrow will be better, and he won’t give me more than I can handle”

Well there’s my spiritual journal/snap shot….let’s see how many changes take place..

Monday Tuesday Wednesday Thursday...Praise him Every Day...Praise Him Everyday

As I sat in church Sunday morning I was deeply touched by the song "God is Able". I told myself "Oh my what a beautiful song...the beautiful lyrics has always touched me, and it's so true" I scanned the whole sanctuary and saw that everyone was in great spirits. Everyone had a smile on their face as the sang the song at the top of their lungs. Then I told myself "too bad that same smile won't last the whole week". The same might we sang it with will be tested during the week , and some of us might keep up the smile while others crumble under the pressure of what reality has hurled at them. Then I had a genius thought.....(mind you I don't have many of those on a weekly basis heck even monthly)


Often times under great pressure we forget GOD's promises to us. We forget the words GOD gave our preacher to preach to us...we even forget the songs that we sang that made us feel so good, and gave us goosebumps. So I have a great solution and if you came up with this before me :p...you didn't talk about it so it's a Juby Laila Original for every day of the week we should have a song that reminds us of God's goodness and promises. For example, you wake up Monday morning....before you can even open your eyes the enemy is fighting you  in the rim of your mind. Before you know it every single seed that was planted in your starts to slowly wither, because we start seeing everything in the natural.....so for Monday remember


GOD IS ABLE:
God is able to do just what he said he would do.
He's going to fulfill every promise to you
Don't give up on GOD
Cause he won't give up on you
HE'S ABLE


Tuesday morning while driving to work you car starts smoking.You panic, but remember NO MATTER WHAT:


I’m running back to your promises one more time, Lord that’s all I can hold on to, I gotta say this has taken me by surprise, but nothing surprises you. Before a heartache can ever touch my life, it has to go through Your hands, and even though I, keep asking why, I keep asking why.


Wednesday morning you get news that someone you care about has been diagnosed with _____________. You immediately remember "By his stripes we are healed"


You hold my every moment
You calm my raging seas
You walk with me through fire
And heal all my disease

I trust in You
I trust in You

I believe You're my Healer
I believe You are all I need
I believe You're my Portion
I believe You're more than enough for me
Jesus You're all I need


Thursday you feel down...you're not sure if GOD is really listening I mean nothing has changed. The preacher said change is on it's way, and my situation looks the same.


I waited for you today
But You didn't show
No.No.No.
I needed You today
So where did you go?
You told me to call
you said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?

I cried out with no reply and
I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I'm never alone.

And though I can not see You
and I can't explain why.
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life oh
We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
and though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen


Friday you know Sunday is just around the corner....so you sing "What a mighty GOD we serve"


Come Saturday as you prep yourself for GOD's house you have a recap of the week and you sing


We've come this far by faith
Pick up your pace and don't you be late
I'm hear to tell ya about the good news
Somethin' about the path that we choose y'all
Wisdom has built this house now
Integrity will bring your pride out
If you know how to pray the situation out
Prayer is the answer..There is no doubt

Monday we held it together and..
Wednesday we had stormy weather and..
Friday we prayed it all better and..
Sunday we heard the news.


There you have it ladies it gentlemen...the survival guide to most of the enemies traps....of course prayer and staying in the word is key.... 

I smiled as we hung up the phone. I had a few tears in my eyes, but they were tears of joy not off sadness. As soon as I hung up our 45 minute conversation my phone automatically prompted to add this unknown number into my phone book. I stared at it intently thinking "maybe it's time I add this number back into my address book". I stared at it too long, because the prompt went away. I smiled anyways...because I knew that's not a number I would forget anytime soon. It's been itched in my memory like a tatoo. I have had many memories with this number. I have called it endless amounts of times....texted it more times than I could recall...fought with it....cried with it...laughed... broke up with it...made up with it.... even fell in love with the person who this number belonged too. So you see regardless of if I added it or not didn't make much of a difference, because it has left it's mark in my life. So I put my phone down wiped away the few tears that has formed in my eyes, and laid down with the satisfaction of knowing that even when you think all hope is gone, God has a way of turning it around. It was never the ending I wanted, but it's the ending I needed.

In my late teen age and early 20's the closest thing to a religious experience I received weekly was hitting up the hottest parties of Dallas and it's surrounding areas. I fellowshipped with my weekly party friends, and danced like David danced. During this time of  "fellowship" I have had the opportunity to meet some interesting people. People that I would not have met other wise. These people intrigued me, interested me, and most importantly impressed me. One of the most impressive types of people I met during this time were the ones that partied hard, but when we sat down to have intimate conversations they would share their religious overviews. They knew GOD, they could quote scriptures, and they seemed so comfortable with the fact that they knew of this GOD. I was mesmerized...I wished I were more like them...I wished I too could quote scriptures, and knew a Christian song or two (that came out in the recent years instead of 1999). But I didn't, I was just another lost soul....hurt by church, and it's people, and didn't care about being saved.

Fast forward four and half years: The very thing I admired in people is the very thing I detest about Christianity. In the past four and half years GOD has started to do a work in me where I began to know him more for myself. He started dealing with my personal demons, and started to cover my past walk of shame with his Grace. The more I got to know him the more I realized how the people I once admired were a walking contradiction of who HE is. He isn't for people who sleep around with different women all the time, or folks who defile their body, and mind. These couple of days I have been walking on edge. I see so much of Christianity being defiled, and corrupted. People who tweek the word of GOD to fit their lifestyle. In fact there has been many instances within the past week where I just wanted to shut people up, and tell them "No boo that's not GOD that's just your flesh. And if you think that's GOD then we don't serve the same GOD".

My last semester of college as I sat in the library with a group of people who became good friends of mine in that class started talking about phone applications. One of them said "They have a Bible app now can you believe it?" To which I replied "They sure do I have it on my phone" I knew as soon as I said it she regretted saying that out loud, but I was not the type to take offense to such things. As soon as I showed my group the phone with the Bible app in the main menu my guy friend goes "Mmmhmmm I hear about girls like you". I must say that's not the first time I have heard that however, each time I hear that I'm thinking I don't know what you've heard, but I follow Christ. Then I got to thinking there are so many other people out there who are like the group of people I hung out with back in Dallas, and when the outside world looks in that's what they think Christianity is all about. A community full of posers, and if you are a true believer then you are judgmental or too religious.

Well I'm here to set the record straight not all Christian do whatever they want,and then claim GOD. Trust me I'm not saying I was or even am perfect. I have made plenty of mistakes throughout my lifetime, and continue to make it, but as I continued to get to know GOD his words let me know of there's a big difference between knowing off me and knowing me personally.

Romans Chapter 6

¹ What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? ² By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer? ³ Or don’t you know that all of us who were baptized into Christ Jesus were baptized into his death? ⁴ We were therefore buried with him through baptism into death in order that, just as Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, we too may live a new life.